blackbox | kirishima eijirou

42 | sinking ship

Lost in her thoughts of a traveller walking in an unknown territory of imminent predators of disguised demons to lose herself to the hands of what she had become and the cause of what she had become. The weight of guilt and pain has sunk her down the drain as it flows along the river with venom waiting to sink into the life with hunger dripping off their sweet substance. Memories inside of her are flashing like flickering streetlights that became a bore to the eye, coming with the epiphany that streetlights were once moments passing as a lost traveller in a cab but the destination wasn't in their mind. The tears are running out, the embers are dying out and hence, the melancholic eyes were dry and begged to cry even when it was impossible. The want and need to be alone until the day she dies as of now was just beginning, and she could only hope that no one can stop her.

Get out.

Leave me alone.

I fucked up.

I know I did.

It's all my fault.

We feel so much but we don't say a word. We scream in the roots of our mind but we can't be heard. "I'm fine." Were the only words she could muster as Yui's hand gently gripped her shoulder in hopes to bring her state of mind to ease.

"Um, okay.." Yui's voice was already tuned out as Sakura's blank stare focused on the assignment the teacher had given them, ignoring the burning gaze coming from Sora and Riku.

"Listen.." Yui started again. "You've been distant since Monday.." She gripped her pen tightly, ignoring her pale knuckles. "The last time we saw you being you.. was last Saturday." She bit her lip. "Next thing we know, you're a different Sakura than we all know.."

She finally lifted her gaze at the three of them, casually but painfully put up a smile with all the remaining strength she has.

"I'm fine," Sakura chuckled as she pushed back the urge to break down for the first time in days. "I'm just stressed out at certain things!"

Not now.

She took a quick glance at Riku who was observing her with a somewhat solemn look, causing her to naturally dart her gaze back to the worksheet on her table.

"Something happened, didn't it?"

She tried to swallow down the memories.

"Nope," she smiled bitterly and casually started packing her things when the second bell went off. "Seriously though. I'm okay." She lied again through her teeth, already standing up.

"Right.." Yui muttered, stepping away a little for her to walk. "Um, text us.. alright?"

Sakura slung her bag over her shoulder, halting at the door as she glanced at them with another convincing smile.

"Yeah."

And then she glanced around again to walk down the corridor towards the stairs, the strained smile she has been wearing faltered to a broken frown that was tired of hiding.

Friends are the only sense of consistency you have left in your life and yet, as someone as worthless as you, you still avoid them over the shittiest reasons in which you have caused.

__________

Everything felt so out of place.

The sound of the bell ringing against the door each time a new customer walks in sound out of place. The faint music in the background sounds out of place. The honey lights that were more dimmed than before looked out of place. The barren charcoal wall by the window looked out of place. The chatters from caffeine addicts sound out of place. The familiar spot of a table made for two by the window looked out of place. The imperceptibly distorted flower in the cup looked out of place. The small frown on the regular customer's lips as she noticed the apathetic piece of worthless art from the cup looked out of place. The fake smile Sakura sent her felt out of place.