The Unwanted- /re-writing/

Chapter seven_(07)

••But inside,
I'm screaming••

         
      "I'll let it pass because this is your first. Go to your seat now!" Mr. Okoro yelled after minutes of reprimanding and I dragged my confused body to my seat in the third row.

It's times like this that I wish I was one of those back-row kids.

The lesson dragged on, Mary two seats from me, with the entire world oblivious to my crappy state of mind. I felt volatile. No, I knew I was volatile. Any thing could make me go off at that particular time, so I just kept my eyes fixed on the teacher with his mouth moving, and my sensory receptors receiving no sound signals. I tried so hard to not look sideways at Mary, to the point where I was holding on to the edge of my locker so tight, my whole body started shaking. Little sweat pores popped up on my forehead and I felt my sanity slipping away again.

How could I have two attacks in one freaking day! I wanted to cry, but I kept myself in check as my lips trembled violently.

I'm a waste of oxygen.

I shouldn't be living.

I'm a danger to everyone and everything around me. And even to myself too.

I should just live in a hole forever...or just die!  That would be perfect.

The bell went off, interrupting my train of suicidal thoughts and also indicating that the period was over. I packed my stuff immediately and made to rush out of the class but someone pulled me by my bag.

"Are you okay?" Mary's voice came and I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, telling the beast to calm down and let me get to the restroom before it reared its ugly head.

"Please leave me alone," I managed to say without turning back as I clenched my teeth together in agony, holding on tight to my bag strap like my life depended on it.

"What you saw earlier...uh... It's not what you think it is. I honestly didn't—"

"Well, if it isn't my freaky roomie!" Stephanie's high pitched voice interrupted Mary and I felt the beast struggling to break the chains. He was almost there. And now, they would all find out what I really am and segregate me even more for it. Why is it so hard to be granted just one single wish to fit in?

"She's your room-mate? Oh my God! How do you even breathe in there!" Another high-pitched voice exclaimed and I squeezed my eyes tighter. It felt like finger nails were being scratched against a chalk-board in my head.

"Believe me, it's like hell." Stephanie retorted and I felt them all walk so they were standing in front of me. I slowly opened my eyes and silently pleaded with God to just tell these girls to leave me alone.

"She's so ugly!" Clara, the extremely light-skinned one that I had later found out to be a half-cast; Half European, half Nigerian said and I swallowed.

I know I am.

"And dumb!" A short, dark-skinned girl quipped in. I hadn't seen her before but I recognized her as one of the idiots that followed Stephanie around, and I stopped myself before I could snort at her scrawny stature. Of all people that would be insulting somebody, this goat too is talking. Oshi!

"Thank you very much for the lovely observations, but please I need to go now," I said, trying to sound as calm as possible. I couldn't help the sarcasm though. I saw Mary from my peripheral vision, just standing there, doing nothing and I shook my head and made to walk past the idiots in front of me.

A blinding, hot white slap landed elegantly on my cheek as I took a step forward and I reeled back in surprise, holding onto the edge of a desk to keep from falling.

What the actual fuck!

"You really need to be taught a lesson. Who do you think you're mouthing off to? Ehn? Answer me! You useless jungle freak!" Stephanie screamed in my face as she pushed my head roughly.

Tears were brimming my eyes now, so I just kept my head low. The beast had fled by now, and all the furious and psychotic part of me was now just a bunch of mushy emotions. I silently thanked God for saving me from embarrassment.

"Nawa o! This girl has grown wings o! Abi you think because you're smart in school, you're better than us?" The short, dark one—I assumed from her thick, throaty voice—said and I struggled to keep the tears till they left me alone. Why can't they just leave me alone!

"No o, I think she's already having boyfriend. One of those idiots are already telling you sweet words abi? And you don't want to know your mate again? Ehn?" Stephanie pushed my head again and they all laughed. All of them hitting my head as they did.

"Who'd even be shameless enough to date this...thing!" Clara said with disgust evident in her voice and I noticed the slight accent in her words. The tears were just a drop away now and I tightened my hold on my bag, fighting it with all my strength. I couldn’t cry. Not in front of them.

"They obviously just want to fuck and dump her ni! I mean, who would ever love—no, just even like—this worthless junk!" Stephanie said with much more disgust in her voice and I felt my insides collapse.

I know I don't deserve to be loved.

Who would even want to love me when my own parents don't?

"Abeg let's go and leave this slut alone jare!" Stephanie said again and they all said things in agreement and made their way past me, not before pushing my head or giving me painful flicks on my neck though. I thought they were all gone and I prepared to sprint into the restroom and cry the whole of me out when I heard Clara's slightly accented voice.

"Mary aren't you coming?" She said and my heart stopped.

I thought, maybe I had misheard and she wasn't talking to the Mary I knew. Maybe another Mary had suddenly appeared in the classroom. But I lifted my head up and watched my best friend give me an apologetic smile as she walked towards the devils.

I watched my best friend leave me and follow my demons, and the tears dropped, drop by drop with every step she took towards them. I continued watching, thinking she would definitely turn back around and run to me and envelope me in a bone-crushing bear hug, and tell me how sorry she was and help me wipe my tears. But no, I just stood there, watching her go, until I could no longer see her stylish braids flail behind her anymore.

And I shattered. I didn't break. I shattered.