Divergence: Choices

Chapter 4

It is nearing midnight now and the party is beginning to wind down. I attentively help Shauna start to clean up the cups and bottles left scattered around while Zeke begins ushering people out.

Tris appears from the kitchen. "Four, do you know where Christina and Will went? I came here with them and can't find them now."

I glance around not seeing them. "Zeke, any idea where the rest of the initiates are?"

Zeke pops his head up over a group of Dauntless members he is talking to. "Uh, the big guy and girl left together. Uriah and Marlene are in the back room, I think they're calling it a night." He winks at me before going back to his conversation.

I feel bad that they left Tris, but my heart leaps at the opportunity I now have. "Tris, I could walk you back to your dorm, if you want?" I ask her cautiously with a slight smile, trying not to seem too eager.

Tris seems to think it over for a moment. "You don't have to do that, I am sure I can manage on my own."

"I have no doubt that you could. But a pretty girl who's been drinking, walking around Dauntless at midnight isn't the safest idea. I don't mind." She seems hesitant for a moment and then nods.

We walk in silence, close enough that the back of my hand brushed hers on several occasions, sending sparks of electricity through me each time. As we near the chasm Tris's steps start to slow as if she is hesitating to go any further. She rotates her body to look at me before stopping.

"Can I ask you something?" She begins wringing her hands, she is nervous.

I furrow my brows a bit, anxious to listen to her. "Sure." Trying to keep my tone welcoming.

She looks around for a moment before speaking. "Why did you delete my simulation footage? I mean why would you put yourself at risk to help someone like me?"

I motion to her to move closer to the chasm, the sound of the water will effectively drown out our conversation as long as we speak quietly. I lean against the rail, looking down into the water hoping to come up with an answer she will accept without questions.

"I just don't think people should be punished for the way they were born." I shrug and offer a small smile, trying to stay casual. Her eyes shift back and forth before they settle back on mine. She looks at me as though she is trying to see past my exterior, into who I am, she is trying to see Tobias, and I want her to. I lean closer, our shoulders now pressed together as we stand both staring at the water in silence.

"What will happen to me, if they find out?" I close my eyes at her words, taking a deep breath in.

"My instructor, Amar. He was a mentor, a friend actually. He was Divergent, he was the one that taught me how to identify it. One day, he was found dead. They declared it to be suicide, but I knew better." I swallow hard remembering the pain from that day. Amar was like the father I never had, the first person to believe in me.

I hear Tris gasp a little. "They're going to kill
me?" Her voice now in almost a whisper.

"I won't let that happen." My voice is stern. She looks startled by my words. Before she can question why I inch my hand closer to hers, allowing my index finger to stroke the back of her hand.

She doesn't pull away but I feel her tense and she lets out a shaken breath. I pull my hand back, worried I've made her uncomfortable. I feel my face get hot, I turn away from her trying to calm myself before speaking again.

"Um sorry, I don't-I don't know why I did that."

"It's okay. It's not a bad thing, I'm just not used to being touched." She offers a small smile that makes it hard to interpret if she liked it or if she is just being polite.

"You can beat the simulations you know." I desperately want to fill the awkwardness.

"How? I didn't even know I was doing anything wrong today. How do I tell the difference between manipulating and just getting out of the simulation?" Her tone is frustrated, I understand because it's a fine line.

"Why did you break the glass? What made you think to do that?"

"I don't know, I was panicking and then it was like all of a sudden my reflection in the glass told me none of it was real. And then, I just did it."

"What do you mean your reflection?"  I drop my voice down to a whisper.

"Like, I saw myself but it was different person. Like another me, talking to me." My body goes rigid and cold, even in my own simulations I've never been that aware.

"So that moment, you knew it was a simulation?" She nods at me. "The key is to not act like you know it's a simulation. Use the information to allow yourself to start calming down, but also present yourself as looking for a solution. The quicker you calm yourself or face the fear, the quicker you get out."

"I don't know if I can." Her voice cracks. I notice her hands are gripping the railing so tight her knuckles have turned white. I want to hold her, to comfort her. But I don't know that she would want me to, even if I could.

"You have to Tris. I will do everything in my power to protect you, but you have to try."

"Why? Why do you care Four." Why do I care? Why this girl?

"I don't know..... but I do." I bring myself to look at her, desperate to touch her, especially to kiss her.

She just stares at me before looking back down at the water. My urge to do something reckless is growing by the second. "Come on Tris, lets get you back. We have an early morning tomorrow."

She smiles and stifles a yawn at the same time. I laugh as I press my hand to her back, leading her from the Chasm. When we near the entrance of the dorms I grow nervous. I hadn't considered how to end the night. I feel relieved when I notice Tris looks as equally nervous, leaning her weight against the wall outside the door.

"Umm, thanks for walking me back." She bites her bottom lip.

"It was my pleasure. It was nice to see you, you know, outside of training."

She shakes her head agreeing, giving me a sheepish smile. I take that as my queue to head home. I give her a shy wave before turning away.

"Four?" I turn to look at her curiously.

"You look good, Four." Her voice cracking in between giggles. I laugh and roll my eyes at her shaking my head.

"Thanks Tris. I'll see you tomorrow!" I grin at her one last time before finally leaving.

If I had any doubts about Tris Prior, they're gone now. She is the reason I am here, she is the reason I became Dauntless.