Divergence: Choices

Chapter 23

I've been working in the control room the last two days so Lauren has been taking care of all of the initiates. I've only seen Tris from a distance in passing, the only thing that makes the distance bearable is the anticipation that she will be a member tomorrow, we will no longer have to hide.

I scan the cafeteria at lunch, hoping to steal a knowing glance and smile from her. My brows furrow when I see her friends and Tris is no where to be found. Perhaps she needed to get something from the dorm. I take a seat next to Zeke who quickly points out the evidence of my night of lust with Tris has yet to fade. Lauren takes a seat next to me, effectively shutting Zeke up for a moment.

"Hey Four, could I talk to you for a moment, it's about today's simulations." Her face is serious. My heart starts to pound, is that why Tris isn't here? Was she too obvious in her Divergence, did Eric get to her? We walk to a more private area right outside the cafeteria before she begins.

"I know you and Tris are- well whatever you are. Today though, her simulation was about you in a very private way." Her eyebrows raised at me, my face must be beat red based off the heat I feel rising from my ears.

I clear my throat. "She's had them in the past, it's uh fear of intimacy." I say scratching the back of my neck.

"Well from the looks of it, you two have had some very intimate moments." A smile forms on her face with a slight blush as I catch her eyes look me up and down briefly.

"Is that the only issue? I knew she had the fear, it doesn't bother me." I try to end this conversation as quickly as possible.

"Well, the final test is tomorrow. Have you considered how you're going to explain your initiate having a very detailed simulation of you two naked in bed together?"

No, no I hadn't given that a thought. Fuck. My face must indicate I hadn't.

"You need to talk to her Four, her fear has way too many details to be able to deny that you two have some type of relationship."

I press my hand to my forehead, I have no idea how to fix this, especially with so little time left. "Can you- can you tell her to come over after training?" I hate to involve Lauren but I don't have any other way to get to Tris besides barging into the dorms.

Lauren gives me a half hearted smile and pats me on the shoulder. On top of being incredibly embarrassed that Lauren has now seen an intimate side of me, I am extremely worried my selfishness will cost Tris everything.

The afternoon went incredibly slow, I pace my apartment now waiting for Tris. I have no idea what to say to her. Zeke suggested facing the fear head on, but I don't think Tris would appreciate the idea and honestly, I don't feel completely ready to take that step.

When I hear my door click open my heart stops. Tris walks in timidly, looking nervous and shamed. I quickly walk over to her, I have no words so I just pull her tightly into my arms and hold her there.

"My simulation," she whispers.

"Yeah.... we need to talk about that." I pull her over to the couch so we can sit down. My hands haven't left her, regardless of the situation I am happy to be touching her.

"Did Lauren, tell you what my simulation was?" Her face is blushed as she wears her bottom lip with her teeth.

I can't help but let out a small laugh. "No, just that it was very detailed," my face a slight pink in response. "I know you can't help what your fears are. But maybe if we talked about this one, we could prevent it from coming up again."

"What will happen if it shows up tomorrow?" Her voice quite and concerned. She must of figured out that her fear runs the risk of outing our relationship.