brave//5SOS

15

Emily

I didn't manage to nap on Wednesday. Everything I tried, failed. Luke's voice didn't calm me down. Music didn't calm me down. Netflix didn't calm me down.

Nothing calmed my mind and I felt so trapped.

At home, I barely ate our tea, and ended up in my room. Alone.

After what I'd said to them, I couldn't bear being in a room with them because the guilt was eating me alive. What I said was wrong- mum would be disappointed.

I missed her so much.

I missed her company, even though she couldn't move or talk.

She'd be disappointed in me.

Even in my sleep it was haunting me.

On Thursday, they made me do the same thing again. I fell asleep in Luke's office for practically the whole day, which was a nice change. However, it could only last so long because it was my turn on the chair.

"Emily, do you want to come through now?" Luke said softly, crouching infront of me. I yawned and rubbed my eyes, leaning towards him as he scratched my head.

"Is Sierra there?"

"No, she had to leave early. I'm doing everything today,"

I sat up and held his arm, letting him walk me to the chair. The room was much brighter and I was struggling to adjust to it.

"If it's that bright, you can wear the little kids glasses," he teased, opening a new pack of tools.

"No, I'll be fine," I laughed, yawning and letting my head hit the chair.

"Try not to fall asleep on me, please,"

"I'm not making any promises, I'm going to be sat here for a while,"

"You don't know that,"

"We both know that. My stupid body is just too weak to do anything Luke," I grumbled.

"Hey, I know it's frustrating but it will eventually get better. Lift your head up so I can put your baby bib on,"

"But babies are annoying,"

"Mhmmm,"

"Hey! That's rude...,"

Even though I wasn't young, and I wasn't that scared, I still enjoyed the playful tone he did. It comforted me, and always made me smile.

Luke made pretty much everyone smile.

"Ever so sorry my highness, chair's going down,"

"It's like a really boring rollercoaster. Well... I've never been on one so who knows, this could be the peak of excitement,"

He rolled his eyes, shuffling me down the seat.

"We should go to a theme park one day, you'd love it,"

"Maybe, but I'd get tired in the queue,"

"Then we'd get fast pass. Do you have any common sense?" he joked, bringing the light closer.

"Don't think so... wait you're going to see my double chin,"

"And I have everytime Emily. Anyway, are you comfy? You know the drill,"

"Ha... drill,"

I opened my mouth and felt the worst feeling- his gloves. We took X-rays because we needed to, then Luke started cleaning my teeth. Usually Sierra did it, and he held my hand, so I was stressing a bit.

"You're okay," he whispered, "you know I wouldn't hurt you,"

I knew I'd been sloppy. I knew I'd been aggressive. Not that I wanted to be, but I was, and I realised how alone I felt. None of the boys had really spoken to me because I disappeared.

My life had fallen to bits so quickly.

"Have you been letting your anger out while brushing your teeth?" he said, sorting out the polish.

"Is it that bad?"

"No but I think we'll get you a softer toothbrush. You actually need to use it though Emily, not just hope you've spent two minutes on them and call it a day,"

"Well it's not been my main focus. Is that,"- "cherry, yes. We need to stop talking and get on with this, otherwise you might actually be sat here forever," 

Once we were done, the X-rays came through, and Luke bit his lip. My eyes were locked on his. I was fed up, and knew what was coming.

"Not long now, then we can go home,"

Reluctantly, I opened my mouth again and felt him prod my teeth. I'd had a fair amount of work done before, because during my treatment, my immune system was down and I could hardly move to brush them.

I flinched as he came across one tooth, then another.

"You felt that huh? These two here have small cavities so I'm going to fill them today,"

He wiped numbing gel across my gums and started to prepare the needles. I wasn't usually frightened, yet after everything I felt ashamed and lonely. Mum wasn't here to hug me after, Sierra wasn't here to hold my hand.

My mouth felt tingly and I reached up to Luke's hand instead, which rested on my shoulder. He waited a few moments until I let go. It was our signal, that I wasn't feeling ready but knew he had to do it. It gave me the control.

"Ok, deep breaths for me... that's it,"

It was uncomfortable but somehow Luke managed to make it almost painless.

Before my first ever appointment, I was so nervous, but the endless talking and calm nature of him just made everything easier. He never made my cancer the main focus, or a weakness- I was a normal girl in that office.

That empowered me so much when I was younger.

He did the fillings as quickly as possible then added a sealant and let me sit up. I barely even noticed he was doing anything.

"Are you feeling ok? I know it's not the nicest thing in the world," he asked, taking his gloves off and removing the bib. I nodded and leant back, facing him.

"Just checking. You're never one to cause a fuss, but even this is too quiet for you, what's up?"

"I don't think the other three like me right now,"

"Why not?" he asked, stopping my legs from swinging when I almost hit something.

"I told them that they ruined everything, when they didn't Luke! I've probably made them feel so bad but they're the most amazing people I know,"

"I don't think they hate you sweetheart, but if it's bothering you that much, you can apologise at home, yeah?"

I nodded and stood up, letting Luke clear up. He grabbed a toothbrush from the cupboard then opened the door.

"Ladies first,"

"I thought they weren't supposed to hold the door for themselves,"

He grinned and playfully punched me as I walked out. I karate chopped his arm and he knocked the back of my head. Totally something you'd see in a movie.

"It's freezing," I said as we walked towards the car.

"Good thing I have heated seats,"

I shrunk back into the car seat as we drove home, looking out the window and focusing on the music. Without even realising, we'd got home... and the other car was in the drive.

"Wait, Luke, how do I start it? What do I say? What if they get angry at me?"

"They won't, trust me,"