brave//5SOS

45

Emily

As the week went by, I pretty much felt the same. It only got a bit worse everyday.

Which is why today was different.

I could feel my whole body shutting down.

Everyone sat round my bed, including Tom, watching the film. Ashton held my hand- they all knew.

"Calum, I think I wet myself again," I whispered, making him usher everyone out. I couldn't control any of my body anymore. It was embarrassing.

"How bad are you feeling?" he asked, calling for a nurse to help us out.

"Pretty bad. It's gonna happen today, isn't it,"

"We don't know. Maybe we should all just talk how we used to instead of the film,"

The nurse came in and changed the sheets while Calum changed my gown. We didn't care anymore.

Everyone came back in and sat round, Tom on the end of my bed.

"Guys, can I just say thankyou so much. I've cried to you all, laughed with you all, cuddled with you all... all of you had never given up on me. I love you guys,"

I turned to Ashton and got him to give me my bag. Since it was the only one I had, I knew they'd pack my things into it. I handed it to him, telling him not to open it until the time was right.

He knew what the right time was.

I ordered a meal so Tom could eat it; no one wanted to leave the room and since he was the only visitor here, he would have to go to the canteen. Everyone wanted to stay. Everyone was on edge.

We all talked and laughed for a while, somehow stopping me feel tired. Calum cuddled me, Luke kept reassuring me and Tom pretended to be fully interested in the most stupid stories I could think of. I was so grateful.

Then something felt wrong. Very wrong.

Clearly everyone else sensed it too because the whole atmosphere changed. Everyone stood round the bed. I held Calum's hand while Tom almost hid behind Ashton's body.

"Is it... is it happening?" I choked out, not sure how I still felt so awake. I thought I'd be unable to talk like mum.

Calum nodded and I looked up at Luke, shaking my head and crying more.

"I'm not ready,"

Maybe I was already dead. This didn't feel right. It didn't feel real.

I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want to leave them. I loved them.

"Baby you've been strong for so long, you're allowed to be weak," Luke said, kissing my forehead.

"We aren't mad at you, we know you've fought as long as you can," Michael said softly; squeezing my other hand.

Something on the monitors beeped, time was running out. Quickly.

"I'm not leaving,"

"This is a battle you can't win," Calum said, kissing my hand.

"You'll feel no pain up there. Be our guardian angels, yeah?" Ashton said, his voice breaking as he awkwardly hugged me. I placed a small kiss on his cheek.

I didn't want to be their guardian angels, I wanted to be with them on Earth. I wanted to protect them from down here.

"I don't want to leave this world,"

"There's a better place waiting," Tom said, shuffling round and kissing my head.

"I don't want to leave you guys,"

"Baby, we don't want you to leave either. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices to get someone to a better place. You're not gonna be in any more pain," Luke said, trying to hide his tears.

We all were.

I didn't want to let go. I could feel my body shut down but I wanted to hold on. I looked at them all, checking if they were real.

I looked at them all and wondered how I ended up with such incredible people. How I'd ended up with people who fought with me until the very end.

"You're all incredible people, I love you so much,"

It was like a war but I was the only one on my side. It hurt so much.

The pain in their eyes hurt more.

I wanted another chance, another day.

"You're incredible too Emily," Michael said.

"Heaven is gonna have another angel," Calum smiled.

"The best of the best," Luke chuckled.

I shook my head. They'd go through so much pain if I left. But it hurt so much to stay. Not matter how much I wanted to.

"We will be ok," Ashton said, reading my mind. Or maybe I said it out loud.

Everything was overloading and it merged together.

I didn't want this.

Tom was saying something but I couldn't work it out.

Then his last sentence became very clear.

"You're allowed to let go,"

So I did