brave//5SOS

31

Emily

"I think I'm gonna be sick," I announced as we got home, my stomach churning. I was trying not to gag which caused me to cough.

"Stop coughing, you're going to make it worse," Harry said, leading me towards the bathroom. I knelt infront of the toilet, coughing while Harry rubbed my back. My eyes welled up and I gripped the toilet seat so tight that my knuckles were white.

The other two rushed in after, dropping everything off into the living room. Louis took one of my hands off the toilet and held it gently.

"If you're going to be sick, you can't stop it, so just calm down Emily," Niall said, holding my shoulder.

I shook my head and tried to stop coughing, grabbing Louis' arm instead of his hand.

"You're ok chic, in... out... in... out," Harry said, guiding my breathing. I stopped coughing , my eyes watering as I sat down on the floor. It rattled my whole body.

"Let's get you in bed," Niall said, wiping my tears. I clutched onto his shirt, my whole body feeling like it could snap at any moment.

He sat down and brought me to his chest, trying to quieten me down. My body was relying on tons of medicine,
but it felt like I was barely surviving.

I'd had to leave my family behind and come to a different country with strangers. I was scared and sick and I wanted everything to stop.

"I can't do this," I gasped, holding his arm.

"You can, you can hun. There's so many people behind you that you can fall back on,"

"It's happened too many times," I sobbed.

"Emily, it's going to be rough. You're going to be in pain, you're going to feel isolated and you're going be tired of everything- I'm not going lie. However, I promise that I won't leave your side. Neither will Louis, Liam, Harry, Tom and everyone else,"

"I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it again,"

He held me tighter. Everyone in the room was silent. This time seemed different to the other times.

This time I couldn't see it getting any better.

I felt completely numb inside as they took me to my bed, bundling me up in covers and bringing me a drink.

"I want to call Ashton,"

"Ok, we can do that," Harry said, picking up his phone.

"Alone,"

The air stiffened but they all got up, leaving me alone. I picked up the phone and called him. I had to ring three times before he picked up.

"Hey Emily, is it really important? I'm in the middle of my rounds right now so I can talk in about ten minutes hun"

"I can't do it," I breathed out, putting the phone down as my shaking hands couldn't hold it anymore.

"Do what? What happened? Hold on,"

I heard him ask someone to take over then he was back on the phone.

"FaceTime me Emily,"

"No, Ashton, I-,"

"This isn't a choice, face time me now," he demanded.

Before I could even get chance, he was trying to skype on the TV. I didn't want him to see how I was and cried even more while I accepted. As soon he was in the screen, I leant back and sobbed.

"Look at me princess, look at me,"

I shook my head and covered my face.

"Why don't you get Harry to sit with you? I can only do so much,"

"No! I asked them to leave because I want to talk to just you. I can't do this Ashton and I'm trying so hard, I promise you I am,"

"And I don't doubt that for a second. This has happened before Emily and you just have to remember that you can,"

"But it's different this time!" I shouted, gripping the cover tightly.

"How?" he said, looking at me worriedly.

"It just is," I mumbled, "I feel so numb and burnt out. I used to look forward to coming home next week, or seeing Tom tomorrow, or seeing my mum... there's nothing! I feel so alone and it's not the boys because they're so incredible to me... I don't even have a good reason I'm just a horrible person,"

"You have a great reason Emily, you're not a horrible person at all and I understand why you're feeling like this. I want you to stop crying for me, yeah? Because it's only going to make you feel even worse,"

I nodded and took a deep breath, letting go of the cover. My body was always so tense.

"This year, no one said it was gonna be easy. What you need to realise is that the only thing different is that you can't hug me anymore. You can still talk to me, cry and ask me questions. I know that it seems like everything is crumbling, but you now have four more doctors who will hug you for me. And guess what, they will also listen to you and support you,"

I nodded and dried my eyes, jumping when someone knocked on the door. Liam peeked his head round, smiling lightly. I patted the bed next to me and he closed the door, sitting next to me.

"You are not a horrible person Emily, never think that," Ashton said, sounding broken.

"I love you Ashton, I love you so much,"

"I love you too Emily. The moment this happens again I want you to call one of us or tell one of them ok? Goodnight,"

The chat ended and I laid down, facing Liam. He stayed sat up, just holding my hand. Everyone else piled into the room, somehow engulfing me into a massive hug and fitting on the bed.

"You're safe with us sweetheart, we promise,"