brave//5SOS

36

Emily

I sunk back into Niall, waiting impatiently for the chemo to be over. When I was younger, I'd colour or play with Michael as we waited. Ashton would tell me jokes or Calum would put on a film for me.

As I grew up, Ashton helped me understand what was going on and Tom would always manage to accidentally break something in the office.

But none of them were here now. I was tired. I was bored. I could easily give up this fight.

Niall had his hand on my stomach, rubbing small circles with his thumb.

"You've not said much," he commented.

"I'm just thinking,"

"What about?"

"How when I was younger, even if I was sick, it was so simple for me to be happy. Give me someone to talk to and they wouldn't get a word in, a colouring book lasted hours... I danced, I sung, I didn't let anything get in the way. I wish I was young again,"

"If you let yourself, deep down, you know those things would still make you happy. I know it sucks, you are so mature about it too... but you're allowed to be a child too Emily," he said quietly, squeezing my hand as Louis walked in.

Nausea was starting to gnaw at my stomach.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, taking out the chemo and immediately replacing it with another medicine.

"Sick," I mumbled, looking up at him miserably.

"The medicine should hopefully help with that,"

"Can I call them?" I asked , whining when they tilted the bed so I was sat up. Louis handed me a sick bowl, seeing me gag.

"Luke is probably your best bet right now," Niall suggested, picking up his phone and calling him. Thankfully, he held the phone up for me.

"Hey hun, you ok?" he asked straight away. Seeing me curled up in Niall's chest probably answered his question.

"I miss you. I need you here now," I said, trying to swallow the lump in my throat.

"I'm so close to being able to come, ok?"

I nodded and closed my eyes.

"She's just had chemo so she's not feeling too great but she really wanted to call someone," Niall explained, shuffling away from me as I tried to get out of his grip.

"Ah right, why don't you call me when you feel a bit better Emily?"

"No, I want you now,"

I shakily held the sick bowl, Louis rubbing my back.

"I know you do, I know how different it is for you to not have Ashton or Calum with you right now like usual. You need to just relax for a couple of hours,"

"I am relaxed with you Luke. I'm always relaxed with you, it's like your superpower," I whined, not understanding why he was trying to stop the call. Did he not want to talk?

"Well then I'm gonna use my super powers and tell you to watch some tv until you feel 100% better. I can see you shaking," he said softly, biting his lip as I gagged again.

"I love you Em, talk later yeah?"

Just as it ended, I couldn't stop it anymore. I threw up, my eyes watering. The sick bowls were always so small and I never understood why- you just ended up having to use loads.

"Ok, you're ok," Louis said, wiping my face and letting me lean back. A small fan stood on the table next to me so he turned it on, Niall getting off the bed so I could stretch out. Louis took out the medicine so I wrapped myself in the cool duvet.

Harry walked in the room with a few things, including a cool rag which he put on my head.

"Do you think you can sit up a little for me?" he asked.

"No,"

"Ok, have a lay down for ten minutes and we can try again. Close your eyes and I'll put some music on for you,"

"I feel rubbish," I said, starting to cry.

"Shhhh, you'll make it worse. Just try and relax hun,"

"I can't,"

My head felt like it could explode and I could probably puke my guts out again. I felt exhausted but not enough to sleep.

Homesickness made it worse.

"You're going to feel tired soon hun. If you can go to sleep, don't fight it," Harry said, gently holding my hand.

I shook my head. Gripping the side of the bed to stop my shaking, someone rubbed small circles on my hand and another turned the fan off.

My whole body shook as I cried, tears causing my nose to run.

"It's gonna be ok love," Harry said, wiping my nose gently and moving the bed up slightly.

"I want to be back in Australia,"

"We know Emily, we're trying to help as quickly as possible,"

"Can't they all be paid to work here?"

I sniffed and leant back, my chest aching as I felt another gag coming. Everything about having cancer was so tiring at this point and each day, I put up less of a fight.

No one pushed me- it would only make me more upset. I was grateful for that.

"They're needed back home chic,"

I breathed out heavily, feeling my eyes become droopy.

"I need them here,"