My Sunshine ✔

[ 44 ]

He couldn't even touch Lewis anymore. His sunshine would never smile again. The glimmer in his eyes had gone. The hopeful and loving shine that made his warm brown eyes burn with passion withered away. All hope was gone.

His frail body couldn't even help him make a facial expression. Lewis' face was always sad and so... dead.

"I'm afraid, Narco," His trembling voice whispered, cracked like Narco's heart.

"We all are, my sunshine," Narco bit his lip, trying to stop the tears that threatened to pour out at the sight of the hopeless man. Lewis winced as he lifted his hand to reach for the glass. Any small movement made his bones crackle and start bruises. Lewis' immune system had started to worsen, and his memory was deteriorating — something related to blood and metastasis, Narco couldn't allow himself to remember.

They always ended up in the hospital, somehow. May it be an unconscious fall or nausea with blood.

"Okay cry," Lewis' voice was dry, notes of pain always spiking every word. The happiness that lingered in his normal voice had disappeared.

Narco nodded as he let a small teardrop fall free. He couldn't look at Lewis. It only hurt him more and more and more till he couldn't bear to breathe. The way Lewis winced but took the medicine tortured him in the worst way possible. He felt like he was going insane, maybe he was insane and everything was just his imagination. He didn't know if that made it better or worse.

"Think Robin good you,"

"What are you trying to say?"

"Wouldn't blame if dated now. Can't fulfill desires so find else..."

"I could never do that, Lew,"

"I know,"

Dead silence hung over them like a gloomy cloud. Anything could happen at any moment. Lewis was not prepared to die — Narco wasn't prepared for him to die. They had joked about it but the reality hit too hard, often reducing into sobbing laughter. They spent their time huddled together while one cried and another let out empty sympathies. Robin had been kind enough to clear the bills, only warm smiles and empathetic eyes. Narco wanted to be angry but he couldn't.

The serene and beautiful filter keeping Narco in a bubble was threatening to burst. He could see the clouds, the storm of tears that kept him occupied.

"Feel—" A soft cry interrupted Lewis' speaking.

"I can't, Lew. This is too much. Just standing here, knowing that you are going to die any moment hurts. It hurts really bad." Narco let all his tears free. The ache in his chest multiplied, and he was left gasping for air. If he stopped breathing, it'd be over. He wouldn't have to deal with the hot pain, he wouldn't have to deal with grief, he wouldn't have to deal with a child's curiosity and blunt words.

"It's okay," Lewis winced but reached to ruffle Narco's hair. It was the only thing he could say, couldn't he? He wanted to say so much more, love so much harder, kiss all the worries away, hold him till his last breath. But he was limited to ghostly touches and simple words.

Narco's hair was dishevelled and unkempt from being at the hospital for long amounts of time. Reality kept him up at night, restless, fearing Lewis would die the moment he closed his eyes. Pain that clenched his heart everyday; pain that ripped his soul. He was worried about not seeing Lewis for the last time, not touching Lewis for the last time, not hearing Lewis for the last time.

He was scared every minute. He hated himself for that.

"Feel not dead." Lewis sighed as he retracted his hands from the brown curls. Narco was confused. The puzzled look on his face made Lewis chuckle. "Want jump around, things do fear with you. Earth watch, look me, can't."

Narco smiled. The choice of the words made him imagine things he never thought were possible. Him and Lewis, flying in the air and waving at the bewildered spectators. Seeing Lewis happy and healthy. The sheer excitement that coursed through their veins when they jumped out of a plane. Love and happiness and shit they'd never get to experience, Narco's mind supplied sourly.

Those were just imaginations. Not reality. Couldn't be the reality.

Lewis had a faint smile. He adored Narco so much. It hurt to see the solemn look and dark circles around his eyes. He cared deeply for his boyfriend but he had to let go. He was grateful for the time he spent with Narco. How could he ever repay him for the light he brought to his dull life?

"Stop staring, you creep," Narco attempted to lighten the dark mood. Lewis smiled and continued staring. Narco chuckled, inching closer, and stared back.

"Kiss." Lewis pleaded and Narco didn't hesitate to capture Lewis' eager lips.

He was slow and careful, worried that his aggressiveness would bruise the beautiful skin. Lewis smiled as he was reminded of their actual first kiss — unsure, gentle, warm, careful, curious, passionate.

Maybe this was their last kiss.