I'm working on it-

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I know,I know-
It's been a month.
... I'm going super sayan internally,but I'm really too lazy to try writing faster. I've been losing sleep amd I just yawned and heard music in my left ear out of nowhere. It was literally just three ominous notes.

 It was literally just three ominous notes

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*cri*

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*cri*

I'm not pushing myself (obviously) don't worry. My family and friends seem to think I'm stable. And life has actually been better lately. My councillor out of the blue stopped seeing me for some reason??? So that's a thing. It actually seems more calming without counselling. My dark thoughts now only come at night when I'm alone in my room. It's great. I just need to get through this SINGING AND PIANO RECTAL AND BAND CONCERT AND CHRISTMAS SCHOOL PLAY AND every will hopefully be okay :)

I'm gonna try to go easy on myself for this year for performances. I'm not joining the music festival this year. Because-
LOOK AT THESE.

(Two golds and one silver

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(Two golds and one silver. Don't believe me? Aight then. It doesn't matter anyways lol)
I FUDGING HATE THESE THINGS BECAUSE OF THE HORRID MEMORIES THEY BRING. BECAUSE I FORCED MYSELF TO PERFORM ALL THE TIME BECAUSE MY MOM WAS EVEN WORSE AT EXPRESSING HER OPINIONS AT THE TIME AND STRAIGHT UP TOLD ME THAT IT WAS A WASTE IF MONEY IF I DIDN'T COMPETE IN THE COMPETITIONS. WTF,MOm-(I'm just kidding,I still love you mom. You just suck at dealing with my raging hormones and unstable brain)

Anyways. I've been staying up for as long as possible. It's just that time of year again. Pretty much a culture for me now. Every time there's a recital or something I participated in that makes me anxious,stay awake as long as possible at night to make it feel like the days are passing by slower,continuously getting more and more terrified until it inevitably comes. I get through it and feel awkward because I don't have any god to thank for supposedly saving my soul and making everything go smoothly.And I wait patiently for the next terrifying thing to happen,repeat cycle.

So anyways. Next chap is coming maybe somewhere in a faraway universe where I'm a calm and logical,stable human being and not lazy.Or an insomniac. (It's fudging 5:02 am,I have 1 to 2 and a half hours to get some sleep,let's do this Lmao.)

I hope you have a fantastical day! See you all either when the next chapter comes out or the next time someone tries to hate on themselves while they're under MY RADAR-
<3

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