Leather Jacket [Rosa Diaz]

Fourteen

NEW CAPTAIN

Y/D/N~Your dad's name

The elevator doors open up as a scowling man steps out into the bullpen with a crisp and neat looking uniform on, which looks like he just ironed this morning. "Hello. I'm your new commanding officer, Captain Seth Dozerman." Captain introduces himself, in a monotone voice. "My motto is simply: efficiency, efficiency, efficiency." He finishes, stopping in front of the crew.

"Could probably of just said it once," Jake suggests, arms crossed.

"Are you making fun of my stutter?" Dozerman argues back as Jake tilts his head back in confusion.

"Oh, uh-" He mutters.

"Tricked you. I don't have a stutter. Boom, I've already established my authority through my amazing sense of humor." He states, quite amazed at himself.

"Well done, sir." Terry chimes as Captain nods agreeing with his joke. "Welcome to the Nine-nine. I'm sergeant Terry Jeffords." He smiles.

"And I'm not interested. I have no use for people." Dozerman spoke, still in his monotone voice. "I find people weird and confusing. I live my life by numbers. You see this watch?" He lifts up his arm showing the crew his high-tech watch. "It tells me how many calories I burn at any time. Questions: how many calories do you think I burned walking from there to there." Dozerman gestures to the elevator door to where he is standing. "You, female closest to me."

"Oh, uh, three?" Amy guesses.

"Three?" He laughs. "You, girl." Dozerman points to Y/N.

"I don't know, Two?" Y/N shrugs.

"Two? Try zero point eight, numbnuts. I made a promise to my superiors that I most certainly cannot keep. That's why I need you, idiots, to work twice as hard. No, no, strike that. Four times as hard. No, no, no striker that. I need you, morons, to work eight times harder than you have ever worked in your entire life!" He commands. "I'm having a heart attack. Yeah, I'm having a heart attack. Get back to work." Dozerman falls to the floor.

"Get a doctor!" Terry forces.

~

"Oh, my God, he's alive?" Y/N whispers to Amy beside her.

"So I want to explain what happened back there." Dozerman breaths heavily. "I did not have a heart attack. The doctors have informed me that I have a genetic heart condition. My aortic valve  is sixteen percent too narrow, which lowers my life expectancy from one-hundred and three to sixty-four." He explains.

"So sorry, sir. That's terrible." Terry pipes up standing beside the new captain.

"Yes, it's depressing. They also informed me that I carry the gene for webbed feet, which is interesting, more than anything else." Captain mumbles to the crew, awkwardly. "But, uh, when you stare death in the face, as I have, it really puts things into perspective, namely that I've been wasting too much time, farting around! So that stops now!" He yells as a few people groan quietly in their seats. "Say goodbye to the fun, hilarious, laid back Seth Dozerman that you use to love. Boys, hand 'em out." Dozerman commands as some boys hand out tablets with Dozerman's face as the back screen.