Pure Attraction

Epilogue

 And that's the end of our story.

I write the last 7 words, wishing that there is still more to write about us but there is none.

"Done." I announce to myself as I close the precious book filled with memories. I stare at the red cover as tears start to fill my eyes once more.

It's his favourite colour, I thought with a smile.

Don't worry, Par. You wrote this book just to make you leave all the memories of him behind, I tell myself over and over again. You are just taking everything out, forgetting him; leaving him in your past.

One by one, the tears start to fall as I feel the pain again on that dreadful day again.

It has been almost half a year now, why are the tears still in me?

Face it, Paradice.

He was your first love and you hoped that he'll be your last but turns out, he wasn't. I guess Ray was wrong when she said that Mr Nike would be the guy that I spend 'forever' with.

After he dumped me, we didn't talk like we used to. A few comments were exchanged here and there at first but slowly, it became words. On some days, only silence fill between us.

We are strangers again but of course there are memories between us. Apparently we weren't friends nor enemies, just strangers with some memories.

Well for me the memories are still fresh in my mind, I don't know about him though.

I lost count of the times I've cried because of him. It was painful as hell, like I killed myself but I'm still alive. I broke down 2 times at school just because I suddenly thought of him and that's when it hit me:

He's gone from my life.

I place the book in between my favourite novels. I sigh as I look at the book which was once an empty notebook, but now filled with memories of him.

Austin Lawson.

I take out the book again and decided to write his name on the front page as it was too empty.

I wipe away my tears with the back of my hand and smile as I remember the good things that he has given to me.

The first boy to gives me compliments, the first boy to tell me he loved me, the first boy to be my boyfriend, the first boy to hold my hand, the first boy who made my world complete...

The first boy to take my heart away.

Maybe we'll meet again when we are older and our minds are less hectic, and I'll be the one for him and he'll be the one for me. But right now, I am chaos to his thoughts and he is poison to my heart.

I remember how we promised each other that we'll travel to Europe together and the fact that he mentioned marriage a few times but that's just my imagination now. I need a damn miracle for it to happen.

Oh well, it is what it is.

Sometimes, you just don't get what you want.

If the times I had with him are just dreams, I don't want to wake up forever because then, I can continue to be with him and all of the bullshits will never happen.

But maybe, with a little time and faith, me and Austin will be together again in the future.

Just like how it was suppose to be.

Because I know deep in my heart, we had a pure attraction towards each other. We were each other's first and nothing can ever change that.

"Par?" I quickly shove the book into the bookshelf, preventing my mother from seeing it.