When we first met . . .

Chapter 60🥀

"Here, you can sleep here I'll sleep on the couch," he says. Taking out some extra pillows and a blanket from the closet.

Of course, he has spare Bed linen in his huge room.

"What? No Shawn. You sleep on the bed. I can sleep on the couch" I say taking the pillow and blanket from him. I walk towered the couch when he grabs my wrist turning me around, talking the pillows and blanket from my hands.

"Lili, please stop it. Go to the bed."

Wow. He gave me an order. He never told me what to do before. Why was it hot?

I looked at him, knowing he won't give up on this and I was too tired to fight with him so I went to the bed.

I felt bad watching him as he went to the couch.

"I'm in the shower," he informs me of walking in the shower.

A moment later I hear the water streaming.

A few minutes past and I was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. What am I doing? What am I doing with my life?

I hate the fact that I want to be here as much as I don't, if not even more. I hate that I fell attached to Shawn. That I wish he would just come into his bed next to after his shower and kiss me to sleep.

I want to hug him, to cuddle him, like we used to. I hate the fact that I know it's not going to happen. And now this party I came here for. What is wrong with me? To pretend to be with Shawn? That is just torture.

For the both of us.

"Goodnight," He says after his shower, only with his boxers on walking to the couch.

"Goodnight" I replied wishing he would come to me.

I thought about going to take a shower too. But I couldn't get myself out of the bed.

An hour later and I was still awake. I Couldn't fall asleep, I went to the fridge he had and took a bottle of water out.

I glanced at the couch, surprised that I saw Shawn was still awake, on his phone.

He looked comfortable; the couch was actually a sofa bed. So it didn't look that bad. I drank the whole bottle of water and I went back to my bed.

I don't know what happened to me, maybe it was the fact that he didn't notice me and I wished he did or the fact that being so close to him made me crave him even more, whatever it was before I got in bed I turned around and I went over to the couch, where Shawn was, I moved the blanket from his body and I snuggled him. I didn't want to sleep alone.

He moved his phone away, watching me, and holding me close to hi,

Oh my god, Shawn was completely naked. I bit my lip.

Now I'm not feeling as comfortable as before. I mean, it feels good. But still a bit weird.

It was a mistake to come here. To snuggle him. To his room. To New York.

Shawn turns to face me and I blush faster than I ever thought was possible. We are laying there face to face.

Shawn's eyes are sparkling. It feels magical.

"What are you doing?" I whisper as he is pushing me closer and closer to him. Holding me tighter.

He is just looking at me. Getting on top of me, as if not being to stop himself from kissing me.

So he does. And boy was I enjoying it.

He stops, looking at me. I feel so good to around him, I hate that. I thought I could move on, I thought I was stronger than that, but I'm not. He continues to kiss me slowly pulling my shirt up.

He kisses me passionately and he starts moving to my neck... leaving small kisses, he slowly moves to my stomach making me shift at his light touch.

I am too lost in his touch to think straight right now. To decide if this is wrong or right.

I have chills all over my body. It feels so good. Him kissing every inch of me. His body close to mine.

He goes lower and lower with his mouth traveling around my body taking my jeans off and my underwear comes down as well. He is kissing me everywhere. "I missed you" he whispers as his face moves back to kissing my breast making me moan.

I feel shy, every time I let myself enjoy this, I can't help but feel shy, for making noises, for enjoying this too much.

He goes back to my lips his tongue invading my mouth, I let him take me. I don't care anymore.

I want him.

he stops, seeking my approval as if he didn't have it the moment I first saw him a couple of months back at his concert.

I want this, I won't lie, I'm kind of scared after the miscarriage I had, how will it feel? Will it hurt? 

I'm not on the pill, the doctor said I should start but I haven't.

I nod, knowing that I really don't care if it hurts. I just want him, here. With me. Now. At his moment. 

He stands up, going to the bathroom, coming back with a condom, already on. always prepared. He comes back, crawling on top of me, kissing me deeply, and he slides right in, not even hinting what's about to happen.

Ouch, at first it hurts, he goes slowly, and it's getting slightly better as he keeps going slows. I start to moan as he goes faster making tears spring to my eyes. He is kissing me and trying to make me quit, and I just giggle at him, knowing full well I am too loud.

"Shh... you are going to wake the whole hotel up" he whispered chuckling.

"I don't fucking care," I say letting out another moan. Not feeling as shy as before. But feeling brave. Shawn looks at me, and I know it was a bad idea.

"I'm sorry. I'll try my best" I say to reassure him. He kisses me and I feel myself clenching, I'm close, oh dear lord.

Shawn stills, as I let go and I try to catch my breath, Shawn smiles at me, kissing me once more.

Fuck. That felt amazing.

I push him aside and I stood up feeling that brave feeling again. "Where are you going?" His face worried, he sits down not understanding.

I say nothing, I smile my shy smile and I sit on top of him, ready for round 2. This time I'm taking control.

In the morning I wake up laying down on top of Shawn both of us are still naked. I can't believe last night even happened. I feel my cheeks heating up as some parts of last night come back to mind.

I can't believe I thought that I wouldn't fall for him all over again on this trip... I was so naïve to think I wouldn't be head over heels for him while coming here.

I try to stand up without him waking up but that doesn't work. He grabs my hips pushing me back to him a smile slowly creeps his beautiful face and slowly opens his eyes.

"Good morning beautiful," he says kissing my forehead.