I Knew You Once [ Taylor York ]

15. That kinda hurt

The weekend has been fun so far, Josh and I had fun, but we also talked about our problems and it was a cool time. Now it is Saturday night and I've decided that I'll drive back to Nashville tomorrow morning. So naturally Josh and I decide to get drunk. Even though Josh doesn't really drink that often.

We sit in the sofa of his music room after goofing around with his instruments for a bit.

"Oh man, I am exhausted" I whisper and throw my head back. We both laugh drunkenly.

Josh takes a deep breath.

"Thanks for everything, really. I needed this, I think I'm gonna call her tomorrow and I'll try to solve everything" he tells me and I smile.

"That's great, dude" I pat his shoulder.

"What about you and Taylor?" he asks me.

I look up and think about it "I really don't know" I answer him honestly.

If you didn't know I'm confused as fuck.

"Are you really gonna stay friends?" he asks me as if he can't believe it.

"I... I think so, I don't think it would work out" I look at him, I'm really trying to convince me, more than him.

"Are you kidding? You guys were one of the best couples I've ever met" he tells me truthfully. A pinkish color washes over my cheeks "It's not my decision, but I think you guys should try it. And if you're scared of fucking up, just know that you did it once and you learned from your mistakes, right?" I nod doubtful "You just connect so well. And I can tell you won't be able to stay friends" I chuckle, he isn't wrong.

I take a deep breath.

"I guess you're right"

We stay in silence afterwards.

Okay, fuck it, I'm going to do it.

I should stop confusing myself even more. It's easy. I like him, a lot. So I'm going to... Tell him? Yeah, I guess.

A silly grin inevitably appears on my face.

Man, I wish he was here. I wish I could play with his curls and whisper on his ear how much I love him. And for how long I have fantasized about saying it. I wish I could kiss those pink and soft lips again. Those that drive me crazy everytime they touch my skin.

I've been staring at the ceiling for a long while. I slowly turn my head to the side, feeling slightly dizzy from my drunkenness. I open my eyes and I see him, Taylor, by my side. Looking at me. I freeze for a few seconds. He's here, he's real. I look at his curls and then at his lips.

I slowly lean in and without even realising it, my lips are against his. I let myself enjoy the moment.

But no, I can't. Something is wrong. I pull away and I open my eyes carefully.

Josh.

It was Josh.

I was kissing Josh.

What the actual fuck?

"Oh my God, I'm so so sorry. I wasn't thinking! I mean I was- I was thinking about Taylor and then... Oh my God I'm so stupid I didn't mean to!" I started word-vomiting.

I can't believe I'm that dumb.

I stopped talking, waiting for Josh's reaction.

He looked confused, his mouth hanging slightly open and his eyes somewhere else.

"I-I... It's fine" he finally speaks.

I look at him doubtful.

"It wasn't my intention! I honestly want ABSOLUTELY nothing with you, you're my friend! I was just thinking about Taylor and I just thought you were him and then I... Oh my God I'm so so sorry. For real. I'm so drunk I'm sorry" I hide my face in my hands.

"It's fine, really" he answers and puts his hand on my shoulder.

But I can only think about one thing.

What will Taylor think?

. . .

The way back was, uneventful. Luckily, it was fine between Josh and I and we decided to forget about it. We knew it would be a funny story in the end. And anyway I will see him two weeks from now for the GoodDyeYoung launch shoot.

But during the drive I could only think about one thing.

Taylor.

I've kissed another guy. Even if I thought it was him.

That's not okay.

And I decided last night that I would  express my feelings for him.

But anyway, he probably hasn't arrived home yet, right?

After a 5 hour drive I finally arrive to our street at 10 o'clock in the morning. I didn't get any sleep last night. And I just want to get to my bed and nap.

As I get to his house I see his car on the driveway.

Fuck.

I park, and as I leave the car and walk to the door I feel my heart beating rapidly against my chest. My breathing starts to fasten.

I reach the door, and before I can take my keys out, Taylor opens the door.

I stare at him for a few seconds, not knowing what to say. I almost forgot how good he looks. His curls are as bouncy and cute as always. His lips are slightly parted, he looks stunned, just like me.

I fucked up again.

Out of the blue I burst into tears. I drop my bags and instinctively engulf Taylor in a big hug.

"Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?" he quickly asks me.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" I repeat over and over burying my face on the crook of his neck.

"What's happening? What...?" he asks confused.

He wraps his arms around me and pats me on the back softly.

"Hey, it's fine, it's fine. Let's get inside" he mumbles carefully and I walk into the house as he gets my bags.

He guides me to the sofa and I sit down, he does the same.

I wipe my tears and I try to stop crying but I can't. I feel so stupid.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he says softly and places hand on my knee, relaxing me.

"I...I-I kissed Josh" I finally get out. He looks at me surprised "And I'm so sorry, it wasn't my intention- It was an accident! I promise and I'm so sorry, I mean it" tears fall down my cheeks and I hug Taylor tightly again.

"What?" he asks confused "Why are you telling me this?"

I pull slightly away.

"Because I kissed someone else" I say obvious.

He looks at me confused.

"You can do whatever you want. We are not dating"

Ouch.

I stay silent a few seconds afterwards.

That kinda hurt.

"You know what? I think you're tired, why don't you go upstairs and have a nap?" he tenderly caressed my cheek and I nodded.

I did not sleep last night, and I drove all the way here. So I was pretty tired.

"Sounds good."