I Knew You Once [ Taylor York ]

19. Fuck You

Wednesday finally arrives and the first day of work at my new uni just finished.

I open the door and I enter Taylor's house, instantly being hit by a incredibly pleasant smell.

"Mmm, what is that smell?" I ask loudly so Taylor can hear me.

He sticks his head out of the kitchen door.

"Oh, hi!" He smiles at me.

He's so cute.

I enter the kitchen and I give him a quick kiss.

"What are you doing?" I look around the kitchen, which is a huge mess.

"No, don't look yet! Just wait for me" he kicks me out of the kitchen.

"Okay...?" I laugh confused.

He's so cute.

I take off my jacket and I sit on the couch. I take my laptop from my bag and I start looking at apartments near here in Nashville. I know that Taylor will take a long time in the kitchen.

I keep looking. Too expensive, too far away, too small...

I sigh defeated, there aren't a lot of options around here.

The most important thing for me is proximity. I need to be close to Taylor.

10 minutes later Taylor appears through the door. He looks the cutest in his apron.

"Dinner is ready" he says with a big smile.

"Oh, wait a second while I finish this" I mumble as I finish looking at a nice offer.

"Whatcha doing?" he happily asks and sits besides me on the couch. He looks at my screen "Oh" he mutters sadly.

"What?" I ask at his sudden mood change.

"Nothing. Let's go, the food will get cold" he gets up and helps me do the same after I close my laptop.

Well, that was strange.

He guides me towards the dinner table and I finally get to see the pasta he cooked. Accompanied by some wine.

"Aww, Taylor" I pout slightly. My heart breaks a little "You didn't have to" I hug him tightly.

He corresponds me quickly "Of course I have to. You make my life better" he whispers onto my ear.

I pull away slightly.

"That was really cheesy" we both laugh "but I feel the same" I kiss him quickly "Let's eat, I'm starving"

He chuckles and we sit down.

I take the first bite.

"Damn, this is so good!" I exclaim.

"Shut up, you're exaggerating" he blushes slightly and starts to eat too.

"I'm not! You're a really good cook!"

"Yeah, sure. Whatever" he brushes it off "Anyway, how was work?" he changes subject.

I sigh "Well, tiring and extremely boring. But I don't mind" I sip on my wine.

"Oh, well. I've been so bored today. Like next level bored" he groans "I missed you" he sweetly says.

I can't help but smile.

"I missed you too" I softly speak.

I really should ask him about earlier.

"I uhm... I've seen a few apartments around here that seem cool" I start.

"Oh" he blandly responds.

"Does that bother you? Is something wrong?" I ask him carefully.

He sighs.

"No, it's cool, really" he half-smiles.

I grab his hand over the table.

"Don't lie to my face. You can tell me anything" I encourage him.

He looks down.

"I just... I don't see why you gotta move out" he confesses.

I stay quiet.

I did not expect that.

"Why?" I ask confused.

"I mean we're... kind of a thing and you already live here, so why should you move out? I just don't get it" he explains.

"We are going slow remember? We can't start this already living together. Look how it went last time"

"What? Last time we had lots of fun living together. Do you regret it?" He looks hurt.

"Of course not. But last time we didn't have any other option"

It's true. At first he stayed at my apartment because I forbid him from wasting money on a hotel. Then there was tour and in between stuff we would stay at his house in LA.

"Oh, so you're saying you didn't want to live with me?" he starts to raise his voice.

"What? No! I'm just saying that last time we ended up breaking up, and I don't want that to happen again" I am desperate for him to understand.

"So your way to not break up with me is not spending time with me?" he is definitely angry now.

"No! Stop changing my words!" I raise my voice like him.

Why can't he get it?

"I'm not! You're just afraid of compromise and you're trying to postpone the moment when you inevitably break up with me and then run away like you always do!" he shouts at me.

I look at him with no words.

That fucking hurt.

"Fuck you" I mumble and I get up.

I go upstairs and I close myself in my room.

Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him.

I start crying.

Why would he say that?

I try to breath evenly.

I sit on my bed and I cover my eyes.

What did he mean by that? Is he really that selfish that he can't respect my need to go slowly?

I just can't fuck up again. I don't want to. I can't.

I lay on my bed.

But what he said is true.

I'm going to end up running away.

Because I'm stupid.

And I can't deal with my feelings.

I dry my tears and I cover myself with my blanket.

It's never too late nor too early for a quick depression nap.

I fall asleep.