when in rome | ethan

six

I'm still buzzed when Ethan and I silently made our way into the elevator. The music played lightly, and the light shined a little too much for it hurt my eyes. Ethan didn't say anything the entire time, even when I leaned against him and shut my eyes from being too tired.

Once it opened on our floor, he helps me walk out. I didn't think he knew which room Mia and I slept in, but to my surprise he found it, pulling out a key card to access the room. In which he probably got from Mia herself.

The room was dark until Ethan goes over to the corner of the room to turn on a small lamp that dimmed the room nicely. He sets the keycard onto the counter before turning around to sit me onto the end of the bed. Never saying a word.

I don't say anything either. I didn't know what to say. I guess I was just too fucked up to comprehend most things.

Surprising me, he takes off my shoes for me, setting them by the door. I didn't know why he was being so nice to me. Most exes wouldn't do something like this especially if I was the one who broke up with him.

I wasn't complaining though. In fact, although I felt the alcohol in my body, I still felt that pounding feeling in my heart. It was so loud that it consumed all my thoughts to the point where I didn't even notice Ethan grabbing pillows from off the bed and throwing them onto the floor after he had just finished taking off my jean jacket.

I squinted my eyes, feeling blinded by the alcohol, to make sure I was seeing things right. I plopped down onto the bed and on my back, "what're you doing?" I asked, coming out in a raspy voice.

He talked to me as if I was sober, probably knowing I wasn't going to recall anything happening once that sun rises. "Grayson just texted me saying he's gonna have a girl over."

"So you're sleeping here?" I said, staring at the ceiling. I hear him sigh, sitting on the bed next to me, replying with a simple yes.

"What about Mia?" I yawned.

"She's with Grayson," he shrugged. I feel him shift on the bed, taking off his hoodie; his shirt rising a bit and exposing his bare back. The image of that for a split second brought back memories I didn't want to have. At least not right now.

"Well that's awkward," I lightly laughed.

"What's awkward?" He asks. But I don't think he really cared much about what I was talking about since I was intoxicated.

I throw my hands up, "Grayson's gonna bang a girl while Mia is in the same room." I exclaim, "isn't that so weird."

"Yep," he replies, taking off his shirt and throwing it to the corner of the room.

"Why're you stripping?" I slurred, propping myself onto my elbow as I stared at his back. He was turned away from me, bending down to remove his shoes, still seated on the bed.

He gets up to set his shoes next to the door also, "because we're going to sleep, Andi."

I covered my eyes once he turned around. I could imagine the confused look on his face as he stared at me. Ignoring me anyway, he lays down onto the floor, throwing a blanket over his body.

I peeked through my fingers and poked my head over the bed to stare down at him. He lays on his side, the brightness of the phone illuminating his face.

He looks up at me, an eyebrow raised. "Go to bed." He says, hoping I'd listen. I shake my head, causing him to sigh.

I was tired, but I wanted something before I slept. My knowledge of drunk people isn't the highest. But I know that drunken words are sober thoughts. So whatever I was going to say, I meant it. Because when you're drunk, you may understand what you're doing but you care less.

"Why're you sleeping down there?" I spoke with a low voice while rubbing my eyes.

"Because I want to," he replies. Who would want to voluntarily sleep on the hard hotel floor. He turns off his phone, setting it beside him before getting comfortable, "now sleep."

I bring my arm down to touch him. I tap his bare shoulder so he'd look at me. But of course, he didn't give me what I wanted. Instead he replies with a hum.

"Come," I said, grabbing his hand in mine. His eyes now open, eyebrows furrowed. "Sleep up here."

He doesn't deny my hand tugging him onto the bed. Instead he just lays there, back facing me. I wanted to ask why it felt like he was trying to avoid me in every way possible. I was here and he contained himself from becoming vulnerable to me. Almost like he was afraid to love me again. But I don't blame him. A small part of me is afraid too.

I didn't feel as tired anymore. I was starting to sober up even the slightest bit, yet not quite reaching the fullness of being there. And now all my thoughts that were once thrown out the door, are now paying a friendly visit again.

I didn't think twice when I placed a finger onto the skin of his back, making him slightly flinch. I carelessly drew pictures that I created with my own mind onto his back.

I drew clouds, I drew my dream house, I wrote my name, I wrote his.

Running the skin of my finger lightly onto his, felt relaxing. It felt better that he was allowing this when he'd told me to sleep multiple times already.

My eyes go from his back, slowly traveling it's way to his hair. His beautiful hair. I could never get over it.

"Your hair's pretty," I say, putting my hand on my pillow as it was previously.

He's silent for a few seconds before saying, "So is yours." I smiled, leading up to a chuckle.

"Thank you for taking care of me," I wanted to cry. I was so thankful, and so soft for him. "I'm sorry I never do it for you."

"It's okay." He replies. But it's not. I sniffle and wipe my forming tears. My body allowed all my emotions packed up for months to spill out. It just so happens to be in front of Ethan.

"I'm so selfish." He turns around to face me, concerned about why I was crying. He props himself onto his elbow, looking down at me as I laid on my side with my hands bundled up against my head.

"No you're not," he says. I know deep down that he only says it to cheer me up, but I know its a lie. I know the definition of selfish, and it's me.

"I continuously hurt you because I'm afraid to love you again," I wiped my tears, sniffing a few times. Admitting it was so hard, but when I did it drunk, it felt so easy.

Remaining silent for a few seconds, I'm taken aback when he scoots closer, his hand reaching forward to tuck my hair behind my ear.

"Why're you so afraid?" He says, keeping his voice low.

"You're different now." It hurt me to admit. "But sometimes you show me that you never changed. Sometimes I feel like I broke up with you for no reason. That we could've grown old together or something." I sniff. "Like tonight when you took me back to the hotel safely and showed me that you never really left."

I'm sobbing now, my hands covering my eyes as I bawled. "I miss you Ethan, but I have to destroy all those feelings so I don't get hurt again when you change back into the person I left."

END OF CHAPTER SIX

sorry guys but I was literally crying while writing this shit. who knew id be such a bitch for cassandra and ethan lmao