when in rome | ethan

forty one

ethan's pov

i sit myself on the couch after dropping andi off at school. for a moment, it felt like i was finally free of stress and i could just relax for once. even if it was for a little bit.

i find myself going restless nights thinking about cassandra. almost like it's apart of my everyday routine. it's unhealthy, really, to think about someone so much to the point where it just eats you up alive.

the phone call between her manager and i runs through my mind day and night, constantly. it annoys me because i don't want to hear it anymore and yet i can't get rid of it. it won't leave no matter how much i try to distract myself.

a part of me still hurts knowing cassandra chooses her work before andi and i, if that even is the reason her manager had to call to say she didn't want to speak to us anymore.

i even tried convincing myself i was okay with it. even after all the years i went without her, i was sure i would be fine with it. but i'm not. i miss her so damn much.

i stare at the phone screen, the bright light illuminating my face. the phone call button caught my attention. my finger hovers over it and for a second, i contemplated on actually calling her when i was clearly told not to anymore. i wasn't really going to call her right now, was i?

i sighed, letting my finger press the home button instead. what's done is done. i can't bare the thought of me calling cassandra only for her to completely brush me off, and that's the only reason i won't call her.

otherwise, i would be talking to her right now. she'd be telling me all about her day. how she was feeling. the people she spoke to.

i set my phone down on the side of the couch before throwing my head back. i was so exhausted. who knew it could be so draining when you're heart hurts this much?

my eyes widen when i see her contact flash on my screen all of a sudden. she was calling me.

i panic. i have to pick up. but what if she wants to tell me herself that she doesn't want to speak to us and wants to focus on her work more instead of her manager saying it?

even though my mind was telling me i was scared of the possibilities of the conversation, i quickly pressed the answer button without another thought. after all, there was no doubt in my mind that i missed hearing her voice.

it was silent for awhile. i figured i had to say the first word even though my breath was shaky. "hello?" i simply say.

"hi, ethan." she replied in a soft tone. she sounded tired. not in a bad way though. almost like she was exhausted and sad.

however, i find myself listening in awe. the way she spoke, how i haven't heard it in a while. it made me content like never before.

"cassandra." i exhale a breath. "it's good to hear from you." i admit.

she doesn't reply for a while, almost like she doesn't know what to say. it made me nervous. it made me overthink, thinking she probably thought it wasn't good to hear from me.

she softly chuckles, but i notice it's forced. "yeah. it's nice to hear your voice."

even though her laugh wasn't genuine, i knew her words were and because of that, my heart beats a little faster.

"i'm sorry i haven't called. i've been going through a lot." cassandra explained. i furrowed my eyebrows out of pity. all i wanted was for her to come home so i could wrap her in my arms and tell her it was all going to be okay.

"do you wanna talk about it?" i ask.

"yes, actually." she replied quickly.

she sighed, the phone rubbed against something. "the european paparazzi took some photos of you and angela after i left. my manager showed them to me." she explained. "they claimed you two were a couple. it took me awhile to process it, but i can't just ignore you because of some pictures i was shown. so i want to hear from you even though i hate to ask."

"do you still love her?"

her voice cracked, it broke my heart. this has been eating her up the entire time she had been away and i had no idea. i wish i knew.

"cassandra..." i calmly say.

she takes a deep breath. "yes?"

"i know it's weird to say over the phone. especially after how long we spent together in person. but you are the person i want to spend the rest of my life with, okay? i'm better because of you. you make everything feel possible. i love everything there is to love about you. you complete me. forever and always, baby."

she sniffles, chuckling. for a moment, she's silent. "i love you. forever and always."

"i love you, too." i tell her honestly. "i don't want you questioning how i feel about you anymore. it's always gonna be you, cass." i explain. "can you promise that for me?"

"i promise." she says. i feel myself smile without thinking. "i miss you."

"i miss you, too." i reply. "i'll be seeing you soon and it'll be better than anything else."

WHEN IN ROME

"hey, andi!" i say enthusiastically, embracing her in a warm hug. she laughs, hugging me back tighter. i love how she was never embarrassed with this outside her school where her friends can see.

"hi, daddy." she smiles cheekily. "why so happy?" she asks.

"i got a surprise for you." i explain. we hop into the car quickly. she urges me to tell her after i strap her into her seatbelt.

"what is it?! what is it?! just tell me already!" she complains, crossing her arms.

i laugh, shaking my head. grabbing the two pieces of paper from inside the back pocket of my jeans, i show them to her.

she gasps, covering her mouth as she stare at the writing on the pieces of paper.

"we're going to rome?!"

END OF CHAPTER FORTY ONE

wow, it's been one LONG month since i've last updated when in rome lol

i'm so so sorry i've been awol for so long. i've been writing lemonade a lot, and struggling with school and my health recently.