when in rome | ethan

thirty eight

ethan's pov

"do we have to?" andi whines, exaggerating her slouch as she stands in the middle of the kitchen.

usually andi never whined. but this was something she was tired of already and i could tell. she didn't like always being around angela.

i shrug. "it's just lunch."

she sighs, sitting herself on the bar stool. "but she's always smothering me. she gives me too many things as if that's going to buy my love or something." she says, shaking her head.

i had the conversation with andi about angela being her birth mother already. andi didn't ask questions however, which i was grateful for. but one day, i'll tell her everything.

andi didn't react well to say the least. knowing angela was her birth mother after six years was a pretty new emotion in which she felt.

she asked about cassandra, and honestly.. i just shut down. i'm not sure how i'm going to tell her.

maybe she's confused on the two women in my life and how they play a part.

a part of me is convinced that i should be more lenient on letting angela see andi. she is her mother after all.

"well," andi says, "at least tell me where we're going for lunch."

WHEN IN ROME

andi gasped with excitement when she saw the huge playground in front of us. i give her the okay to play on it.

i spot angela sitting at a table near the playground. food already sitting there taken out from her picnic basket.

andi purposely runs straight past angela even after angela tried her best to get her attention. oof, embarrassing.

"hey." i say, sitting down across from her. she sighs, looking back at andi.

"why doesn't she like me." she asks, rhetorically. chuckling, she looks down at her hands like she was visibly upset.

i shrug, "it's common for her to have a negative outlook on you. the closest thing to a mother figure she's ever had was cassandra."

angela looks up, shaking her head and breaking eye contact, looking around at anything other than my face. "but she's gone now. what did she do that made such an impression?" 

"she didn't have to do anything." i explain.

"what do you mean?" angela asks. "are you saying maybe i'm doing too much?"

i shake my head. "cassandra was all i talked about after she moved to rome. andi knew that. she doesn't care about how you treat her, she only bases it off of how i treat you."

angela chuckles. "wow. you sure did raise one smart girl."

"i taught andi a lot of things, but this one, she taught all by herself." i explain, a smile on my face.

angela pauses for a moment. "i was thinking..." she says. "since i'm back... maybe we could share custody?"

i look down, shaking my head as i sighed. i catch a glimpse of her arm. her sleeve rolled up to her elbow. bruises on the inner area.

she's not clean?

"no." i say, looking back up at her.

she looked shocked about my answer. "what? you're not serious. she's my daughter too."

"i'm dead serious." i state. "i raised her. she's my daughter."

had i not known angela was still slightly abusing drugs, maybe i would've considered. knowing she's still irresponsible sickens me.

"you need help." i say in a soft tone as i shook my head. "seriously, angela. you're gonna kill yourself."

she looked hesitant on what to say next. "i don't know what you're talking about." she was all in for denying and denying until i said it out loud what i was referring to.

i gently take her arm, never once breaking eye contact. i show her the bruises on her arm, and she looks down. her eyes tear up and i pity her.

"i lied." she whispers, a tear finally rolling down her cheek. "i went to one support group and i couldn't do it." her voice breaks. she shakes her head, hiding her arm in shame.

"i'm sorry, angela. i can't let you have andi if you're like this. let me get you help." i offer. i truly hurt seeing her so vulnerable to this drug. it was slowly ruining her.

she nods, whispering a thank you to me. it must pain her knowing she can never take full custody of angela until she's better.

coming back from being a drug addict is hard. you have to deal with the withdrawals and it's so painful to go through.

angela had her weak days. lots of them actually. it caused her to never get better. i'm surprised even after all this time she's even alive and looking healthy even.

she had a way of fooling you, thinking she was clean when she really wasn't.

but i believe she'll get there. it won't be anytime soon, that i'm sure of but i know if i manage to keep her in hospitals and support groups, she'll get through it every step of the way.

when we were finished at the park, angela offered for us to go to her place. she allowed me to raid her bathroom and bedroom for all the needles and all the liquid drugs.

as a distraction, she spent time with andi downstairs. i knew it'd pain her to see me throwing it out.

it surprised me of how much i actually found. it helped me notice the time in which she had been doing it.

god, i can't believe i fell for her words. thinking she was better when she just got better at hiding it.

i scan angela's dresser, and on top i notice she has a copy of one of cassandra's books. the first one she ever wrote. about me.

out of curiosity, i open it up to the front page, the back of the cover.

it was autographed.

END OF CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT

hiiii

DONT DO DRUGS. DONT BE LIKE ANGELA PLEASE.

also have you read lemonade?? do y'all like it 🤔

that's all, good night 💙