when in rome | ethan

thirty six

slowly, i turned around to be faced with a person in whom i never thought i would see again. my heart ached just looking at her, but i knew it wasn't a good ache.

"angela." i replied.

"wow, you look good. where's the little one?" she asked, her hair brought up by her sunglasses. she wore a yellow sundress which complimented her dark skin and carried a handbag. her skin glowed and though i don't know if i believed it, she looked clean.

"school." i simply said. "how was rehab." i joked.

"funny," she smiled, showing her perfect white pearls. "i rotated support groups for a while. it was stressful but i'm doing much better now."

i just nod. when i got angela pregnant, she felt such anger towards me. blamed me as if it was my fault. i know she didn't mean it. she was just angry when finding out i was using her all along to forget about cassandra.

what seemed to be a heartfelt moment in the time of us sleeping together, was all a lie in the eyes of myself.

she fell into a deep depression and would refuse any help i would offer her for she didn't trust me one bit.

i felt such guilt with all the pressure she would put on me. all the things i'd done to hurt this innocent girl made me feel sick.

i felt obligated to stay with her and help her raise andi and i knew she understood that. when andi was a newborn, and angela was finally done with her pregnancy, she began abusing drugs. i hated seeing her like that.

one night, she left... and i never saw her again.

i tell myself it's because she couldn't bare the sight of me. the sight of our child. she was so very hurt by me.

the night we slept together, she took care of me. i could tell she liked me, more than the others but i didn't care. my heart was set on someone from my past and angela didn't mean one thing to me.

to this day, i don't know if i regret it. i know angela would've been a great mother had i not spilled the beans on loving cassandra instead of her. but everything happens for a reason.

"what's she like?" angela asked. now that she was clean and clearly in a happier state, i could tell she was curious of how andi was. like she wanted to rekindle all that's been lost.

i fix my posture, surprised she would even ask that. "she looks a lot like you." i say. "her personality is so unlike anything i'd ever seen. she's smart and funny. she's social, but shy."

i could see this hope in her eyes. from there, i could tell angela wanted to meet andi. as her mom.

"can i maybe... meet her?" angela asks. "i've been hoping one day i'd bump into you on the street. leaving you two had to be done. i had to get help.... i'm sorry."

i was so hesitant. i didn't know what to do. angela was her mother but i knew andi didn't want to see her. she loved cassandra, and i couldn't bare her loving angela more when she meets her.

it was selfish of me to do. but i followed my gut anyway. "angela... she's happy. without knowing who you are and what happened to you." i say. "I'm sorry, but my answer is no."

she shook her head, taking a step back. "she's my daughter too, you know. if i want to see her, i have the right to."

i shrugged. "you could've watched her grow up but you didn't. you left us."

"no ethan, i left you." she states. "i was a drug addict in my twenties, i got pregnant from a one night stand, i was fucking depressed. you don't know what i went through. i left because i couldn't live with a guy who didn't give one shit about me. i couldn't take my baby, though i knew she needed a mother, because i was so fucked up."

"i lived on the streets, camping in homeless shelters and used any spare money i had to support my addiction. if i brought our daughter with me.... she would've died."

of course, i stood speechless. i definitely had it much better than her and saying no after that would've made me feel like a dick. but i still didn't trust her one hundred percent despite all she's said.

"i'll let you see her." i say. "but she can't know who you are."

WHEN IN ROME

on the car ride to picking up andi from school, i told angela more about her per her request. i also explained to her that i was seeing someone, in which angela didn't care since she was far over me.

i told her that cassandra had been here for a while and that andi really see's cassandra as the mother figure she's never had.

angela understood that i didn't want andi knowing that she was her mother, with the though of hurting her and i respected that. but i explained to her that if she wanted to visit sometime in the future, it would be okay.

i just didn't know if andi was up for that kind of news at such a young age.

when we parked, angela stood beside me outside as we waited for andi to come running over like she usually did.

angela stood anxiously and watched carefully for who might've been her daughter.

when she came running over, she ambushed me in a bear hug. laughing, i introduced andi to angela who i introduced as a friendly coworker.

on the car ride back, i admired as angela continued to bond with andi.

i'm not gonna lie, it scared me. the last thing i want is for andi to have to choose who she'd want. angela and i are no longer a thing. if andi ends up liking angela, she might even decide to live with her at one point. i can't bare that.

but i pity angela and i only do this because of how much development i've had as a person.

i can thank cassandra for that. for teaching me love. if i didn't have her, i probably wouldn't love much at all.

END OF CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

back to back update!

what if andi finds out sooner than thought? who will she pick? what will angela do to win her over if the ultimatum comes up?