when in rome | ethan

sixteen

"hey. you okay? you look super pale." mia says, coming up next to me in the line, budging a bunch of other people behind me.

"i'm fine. just tired i guess."

"did you stay up late writing your story? knowing there's another field trip today?" mia asks, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. "sleep once in a while. go out with us sometimes. enjoy it. you may never be back in rome again!"

"i know, i know."

"you need to have fun! let loose!" she exclaims, "maybe get some while you're at it," she whispers to me, nudging my shoulder.

my neck becomes hot and my cheeks turn pink. did she know what happened last night?

i didn't know how to react. pretend it didn't happen? "pshh, whatttt."

she holds my shoulder in a quick motion, eyes wide, "what happened while we were gone last night?" she asks in a low tone.

great, she can read me so well. of course she's to know i'm hiding something.

"nothing," i say anyway.

"listen, cass. i'm your best friend! you can tell me anything. have i ever spilled your tea? no."

i sighed, looked both ways, making sure no one i knew was near us. looking down at my shoes, i swayed side to side. why was i nervous?

"i slept with ethan." i whispered to her ear.

she gasped the loudest gasp, her hands flying to her mouth. "what?!"

i shush her, bringing her hands down to her sides. "i liked it." i explain. "it was nice. he was nice."

"like... catching some z's? sleeping next to each other? that's it?" mia asks, an eyebrow raised.

i furrowed my eyebrows, "what? no. you know what i mean." i say. "i slept with him!" i whispered.

"just sleeping, right!?" i don't think she wanted to believe it. or she just wanted to make sure she was hearing the right thing.

"mia, how many times do i have to explain to you. we. had. sex." the words coming out of my mouth made me cringe so hard.

her mouth hangs open for a second or two, "well? how was it?"

i shrugged. "it was nice. he went slow with things." i explained. "not very common when it comes to him though. i was surprised."

she sighed, "that means he's in love!" she grinned, pretending to almost faint.

"what?!" i say, "what're you talking about?"

"i don't know if you knew this, cass. but something tells me he was cherishing every moment. he was making love to you. he was... what's the word..."

"weird?"

"what? no!"

"whipped?" i ask. she shakes her head, still thinking.

"oh! passionate!" she says. "he was passionate about it."

"i don't know.. i can't believe it until i hear it from him, you know? it's been a month but i feel he lost his feelings even before i broke it off."

"even if he did, it's back now. if not, what was last night to him? why has he been so involved with you?" she asks. "so many questions. i say you two talk about it. otherwise it'll never go anywhere."

"right..." i say. i didn't want to talk about it to be very honestly with you. i wanna know where we stand though, but i feel like i'm doing to be uncomfortable and that thought irks me.

"now." mia says, standing up straight. her hands are on her hips and she's positively sure that i should be doing this.

"now?"

"yes. if you don't do it now, i know you won't ever." she states. "we all go home for the holidays in two days. who knows if you'll see him during the break."

"hey guys!" grayson says, running up to us. wrapping an arm around mia's torso, he explains, "we're having a new years eve party at my place. it'll just be a couple people. you and your girls down?"

"totally! right, cass?" mia asks. she's clearly excited about this, considering grayson and her just became a thing over this vacation. and even though we've met his parents, i bet she's loving the idea of being introduced as a girlfriend this time.

"yep! i'll be there."

WHEN IN ROME

"and just like that, we're back in the u.s. of a. happy to be home for the holidays." isabelle sighs contentedly.

what was supposed to be a school field trip in rome turned out to be not too bad of a vacation with my friends. i've traveled a lot, but this was a trip to remember.

"christmas is in a couple of days. you got any plans?" ethan asks, coming up next to me as we all walked to the bagging area to receive our bags.

"um... probably just something with my whole family. how about you?" i asked. we still hadn't talked about that night. in fact, we've just been acting like it never happened. like we're still just friends.

"eh, my parents are going out of town to spend christmas in new york with their friends and siblings. so other than the friendsmas, nothing much." he explains.

"hey, why do you come to my christmas gathering? i bet my mom would love to see you again," i teased, knowing my mom always favored ethan. maybe she thought he was attractive. or maybe she just thought he was good for me.

he spotted his bag, taking it out of the conveyer belt, "uh, yeah. sure. that sounds fun." he says, a smile on his face. i return it. i didn't want him to be completely alone on this holiday, despite having his siblings. but i thought this might be a good thing, to invite him to this gathering as friends, and see maybe where this goes.

my family is for sure going to be confused, even i am a little bit. but i hope to clear up the air as soon as possible, because i'm dying to know what we are. where we stand. and maybe, just maybe do i want to fix what i broke off months ago.

END OF CHAPTER SIXTEEN

heyyyyy it's been awhile, but here i go, popping up and updating randomly all the time. i wish i had a schedule to keep but that is so extremely difficult, especially if you've got other things going on in life.

i promise you i'm not done with this account, with these books despite being gone for a long time. if i ever need a break, i'll let you guys know. if i decide i'm done writing (which probably won't happen since i love it) then i'll let you guys know lol. i'll never leave randomly without telling.

i'll see you soon, bye.