Tennessee Rose

Chapter One - Rose

September 2023

Written by: Ilyluna13

The last few months have been dark. Actually, the last year has been void of sunshine for me. I've basically been going through the motions for a year now. However, for the past few weeks I have actually been able to get out of bed. Each day gets a little better, although none has been easy. It's time I put this nightmare behind me.

See a little over a year ago, on July 12th 2022, three weeks to the day after my 29th birthday, I came home from work to find my husband, Daniel, my high school sweetheart, dead. After a severe battle with depression, he decided to end his own life. I don't know what pushed him that particular day because I haven't and probably won't read the note he left. I still have days that I forget he is gone.

At the time of Danny's death, I was 34 weeks pregnant with our first child. Three weeks later, at 37 weeks, our son was born. Aiden was gorgeous and I have never been more in love. He was the definition of perfection and he was the piece that I thought would heal my broken heart. However, he was born with a heart defect that went undetected my entire pregnancy and 2 weeks later, on the 25th of August, my precious baby boy died. In less than 2 months, my entire world was shattered and it ended.

Or so I thought... I feel like I am starting to wake up.

My family has been great through everything. Someone is always with me. My brother especially. I think he feels like he has to protect me from the world now. We have other siblings, but we have always been the closest. He is the youngest and I'm the oldest although lately I'm thinking that role has been reversed. He deserves the credit for bringing me out of the depression I have been in. He can give a good reality check when needed, and as of late he has made me see that I'm still here and the people that love me deserve all of me. Not a broken shell of a person that I have been.

I have many things in my life to get back in order, starting with my job. I returned to work this past Monday and believe me it wasn't easy. At this point, I'm thankful they kept my job for as long as they did. I am a Project Manager for a small manufacturing company in East Tennessee. Today is Friday, and I survived my first week back to work and it was okay at best. A lot of sympathy and many of the same conversations. I was honestly tired of talking about the tragedy. I know everyone means well, but I can't get past it if it is always the topic of conversation.

After this week and the dread I feel knowing my family will be smothering me this weekend, I decided to disappear for a couple days and I drove to a city a few hours west, Nashville, TN. This was completely out of character for me. I never go places alone, but I just need a break from everything... I feel like I need this trip to get everything back on track.

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I checked myself into a hotel in Nashville that was close to the downtown area. It was a nice enough place. All I needed for the weekend. After spending nearly an hour convincing my dad and brother that I was okay and didn't need them to come get me, I had dinner at a little diner and decided to retire early. I read for a while and watched TV. I must have fallen asleep somewhere around 2 am.

Early, 7am, and I was wide awake. Happy Saturday to me! Saturday's in the fall are reserved for college football in the South. The rival game is on this evening, but I have some time to kill until then...I got up, showered, checked a few work emails, and decided to walk around the areas near my hotel. Nearing game time, I remembered that I had passed a sports bar a few blocks back. I decided to squeeze in there and watch.

I found a spot at the bar with a good view of the game I wanted watch and ordered a coke. The first 2 quarters of the game passed rather uneventfully, my team was ahead and this was a huge rivalry game so I was excited to say the least. The game was at half-time so I decided to check my Instagram feed and text with my brother about the game. He is super stoked our team is winning at the moment. I can't help but feel overwhelmingly proud of the young man he is turning out to be. He is pursuing his dream and will be playing for our team, The Tennessee Volunteers, in college next year. In the south SEC football is legendary and only the best are recruited to play. He is the best in my book, but I am biased.

I check the TV again, but the game is still at half-time. Out of boredom, I start to order another coke, when several people enter the bar. It is quite the commotion and I turn my head to investigate and catch a glimpse of a group that looks a little out of place and is being followed in by security. I try to get a better look without making it obvious....

Wait.. Is that? No. Why here?

And what would they be doing in Nashville?