Tennessee Rose

Chapter 9 - Rose

November 2023

Written by: Ilyluna13

It's been a little over a month since Marshall showed up to surprise me.  We talk almost every day and text almost non-stop.
He has tried to honor my rules and he hasn’t directly mentioned Daniel, but I can tell he wants to know more. He makes comments every now and then.
Nothing mean or confrontational, he just wants to make sure I know that I can tell him anything. 
I am opening up more to the idea of letting him in, but I am still struggling with the decision.

And yeah, every now and then it hits me that Eminem is texting and calling me, but honestly it is so easy to forget that Marshall IS Eminem. He just doesn’t act like it or remind you of it.
Sometimes he will say something cocky about Shady or Eminem, but it’s always a joke.

It’s become a near nightly routine of talking to Marshall before bed. He will literally talk about anything Last night we were deep into a discussion about Elvis conspiracy theories and I don’t even know how the discussion started. See.. we talk about anything. Because of our nightly chats, I haven’t had too many rough nights. I have still had a few, but as of today, it has been 9 nights since I woke up in the nursery.

Tristan's team won the state championship, he received the MVP award, and he finished his final season of high school football.  He's been spending a lot of time with his friends. I think it’s finally setting in that this is final year of high school, and he is trying to make the most of it.  I'm relieved that his life is getting back to normal. I think he missed it although he won't admit it to me. I know he would drop everything if I asked him too, but I'm honestly doing better. As much as I don't want to believe it, Marshall is to thank for that.

Now, with one phone call, I'm worried that I may have ruined it. He thinks it is a trust issue, the reason that I haven’t opened up completely, the reason that I hesitated staying with him and accepting his offer to fly me to Detroit.   It is a trust issue but not with him.
It’s me I don’t trust... I don’t trust the way I feel

After Marshall ended the phone call, I frantically tried to call him back. He never answered. I was immediately upset and, since I was already with him, Tristan insisted that I tell him what was going on.
When I told Tristan, what Marshall proposed Tristan didn’t like it.
He couldn't understand why I needed to go to Detroit and he kept saying he wasn't comfortable with it.

My mom, however, was eavesdropping and barged in to my brother’s room to let me hear her 2 cents. 
It was the normal, “You have to move on," speech that she and everyone else have been giving me.  This time though, I didn’t shut down, I spilled everything to my mom, including insecurities I hadn't shared with anyone else.
I told my mom about all the conversations Marshall and I have had.  I made sure to stress that he only wanted friendship and, at this moment, I think that’s all I want too.
She, of course, read too much into everything I said and now she’s planning the wedding, so to speak

She did, however, offer me legitimate advice when I asked her if I should tell him everything. Her exact words were, "Yep, I think ya should.
Put all your cards on the table. If it's too much for him to handle, then he isnt man enough to be what ya need. But I'm bettin' that he's the type that will do anything to try and take your pain away. Besides, if all he wants is friendship. Well, honey, this is friendship."
Her last sentence was dripping with sarcasm.. she isn't convinced that this is a friends thing. If I'm honest with myself, I don’t think it is anymore either.
At least not for me... of course that thought makes the guilt wash over me.

After I talked to my mom, I decided to sleep at her house. I was in no place to be alone with my thoughts and it didn’t look like Marshall was calling me back tonight.
If he does though, I’m hoping his offer to bring me to Detroit still stands. I want to go.
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Friday