Tennessee Rose

Part 11 (part 1) - Rose

Written by: Ilyluna13

In the moments following my confession to Marshall, it was incredibly quiet. Neither of us moved or spoke. I was trying to stop crying and his hand still softly tracing my back. Finally, after an eternity of silence, I look up at Marshall and see his eyes red, clear that they were just teary. He smiles so sweetly. I can tell he wants to say something and so I ask him what he is thinking.

"I'm thinking so many things about you right now. Like how damn strong you are. How amazing it is to see you still living your life."

"Strong? That's a first. I hardly moved for a year after they died. The weekend you met me was the first time I'd been out of my parents and brothers sight in over a year. That previous week was the first I had been back to work. I did nothing for a year."

"Yeah, strong. Most people would have never gotten up. Found something to numb the pain, but you, you are still living."

The room got quiet again and I didn’t respond for lack of something to say. I was really getting tired. I laid my head back on Marshall's stomach and listened to him breathe as I fell asleep.

When I opened my eyes, the sun was shining bright in the window. I laid for a moment trying to get my bearings. Suddenly, I was startled with the memory of the night before and spilling everything to Marshall. I snapped my head to the bed beside me only to find it was empty.  I should feel relieved that he isn’t still in here but I kinda wish he was.

I get up and make my way to the shower to prepare for the day. Thoughts are running crazy in my head. I want to know more of what Marshall is thinking. Part of me is relieved that I told him.  He really has become a great friend to me and he deserved to know what kind of baggage he was dealing with.

As I finish getting ready for the day, the realization hits me that I'm going home this evening, and I don’t really want to leave. I’m comfortable here, I feel safe around Marshall.  I'm pulled from my thoughts by a light knock on the door. "Come on in. Door's open." Marshall walks in and gives me a half smile. His intoxicating scent quickly feels the room and I catch myself staring and quickly look down at my hands... I'm sure my cheeks are flushed and my heart is racing. "Good morning, Rose. I was hoping you were awake. I made some breakfast. Come join me."

During breakfast we talk and laugh and enjoy each others company. I really feel like I can be myself around him, even more so now that there isnt a huge elephant in the room. I wish I had told him sooner. He didn’t react like most do. He just let me cry on him.   After we finish eating, I help him clean his kitchen up. It really is a marvelous kitchen. I used to love to cook, but haven’t for quite some time.

He tells me that later he wants to show me around his studio down town, but for now, he wants to just sit with me for a while. He leads me to the couch and sits down next to me with his arm around my shoulder. He's been much more affectionate this visit. I feel like I should mind but I don't. He hasn’t made me uncomfortable at all.

After a while of watching TV, I turn to Marshall and blurt out the thoughts that

"Marshall, I want you to know that all my previous rules are out the window. If you want to talk about anything I told you or if you have any questions, just say so. More importantly, thank you for listening, for wanting to know, and letting me cry on you."  Given that we are sitting on the couch, I reach over and give him as good of a hug as I can.

Eventually, he speaks up, "Rose, don’t thank me. I just wanna be there for you. All I can say is that I can't believe someone like you has endured so much hurt. It hardly seems right."

I look at him and I can see the pity in his eyes, but it's different from everyone else's look. I cant explain. I'm really not sure how to respond so I smile a little and lay my head over on his shoulder. Several minutes of silence pass until Marshall very quietly says, "Was Danny sick? I mean do you know why he did it."

I hesitate going over the words in my head before I say them, "Yes and no. He had been. I mean at the time it was a total surprise. I had no idea he was hurting again. We were so happy. We had just found out we were having a boy. We named him, had his nursery ready and then boom I come home and he's gone. He left a note, which I'm sure will answer my questions, but I've never read it and don’t intend to.  He was diagnosed with depression and anxiety 5 years prior. He handled it with medication and therapy. It took a long time but he beat it or I thought he did. Guess I was wrong." I said that last bit forcing tears back and almost at a whisper.

"Wow.." was all Marshall said as he lifted my head up and put his arm around my shoulder nestling my head back into the bend of his arm. Marshall then said, "Please let me be there for you. This shoulder is yours whenever ya need it." I lightly laughed at that comment and smiled at his generosity. For the first time in so long, I feel at peace.

The rest of the day passed quickly. Marshall took me to his studio and showed me around a bit. It was very nice, super secluded. I could just tell that great things happened in there. Marshall showed the rooms off with so much pride. I could tell, even after all this time, he still loved music and was so grateful for it

The time had come to make our way to the airport and the vibe around us was so heavy. I didn’t want to go, but life was waiting for me in Tennessee. As we pulled up to the plane, we both sighed at the same time and then laughed because of it.

Marshall walks me to the plane with his arm loosely around my shoulder, my bag in hand. A man comes to take my bag from Marshall. The only thing left to do is say goodbye. I look up at Marshall and smile, "Thank you. The weekend was wonderful." I reach out to hug him and while in his arms I whisper, "Until next time." Marshall just keeps holding me for a few moments and finally says, "What are you doin' to me? I'm gonna miss you, girl."  He finally releases me and I  smile at him and say, "You too, Marshall."  I turn to board the plane, taking half a step before Marshall grabs my arm turning me around and plants a lingering kiss on my forehead, "Rose, think about somethin' for me. Dont answer now. Just think about....."  my heart is racing with anticipation of his next words.... it's as if time has stopped... the next part he says with so much confidence "the next time I see you, which betta be soon," he gives me that rare grin of his and continues, "I wanna take you on a real date. Just think about lettin' me." I look at him, my heart racing, and somehow manage to stutter out, "Okay, I will."

He pulls me in for another quick hug and as he releases me he sighs, "Now get your ass on that plane before I put you in my car and take you back home." I giggle and say goodbye again.

As I board the plane, I am sure I have the biggest smile on my face. I take a seat and look at the window as Marshall drives off.  My world doesn't seem so dark anymore.