Tennessee Rose

Part 41 - Rose

Written by ehux02

The last couple of months have been harder than I ever imagined. Not just because Marshall isn't a part of my life anymore, but also because my dad's recovery has been rough and stressful on everyone.  I moved in with my parents to help take care of dad and used the money I earned from selling my house, after I paid my debts, to live on.  I tried to give some of it to my parents so they could pay some of my dad's medical expenses, but they wouldn’t accept it. They said they didn’t need it. Last weekend my parents went on the trip that Marshall arranged and paid for. They had a wonderful time and it melted my heart that he would do something like that. He's been relentless in contacting me. I was cold toward him at first, but I am starting to warm up to talking to him again. I miss him. At night, I miss Marshall the most. I miss him all the time, but when I'm finally alone at night its crushing. A week after Marshall left, my anger turned to heartbreak. I would love to say that I’ve gotten over him, but I haven’t and probably never will.

My dad had another follow up appointment today and the doctor told my dad he could return to work in 2 weeks so I have 2 weeks to find a job. I miss living on my own and my plan is to get a job and an apartment as soon as possible. I would love to be moving to Detroit, but it seems life has had other plans for me. I'm destined to end up alone.

Tristan on the other hand, is still holding out hope. He was mad at both of us at first, but then I think he just started feeling sorry for me.  Tristan is living his best life, he is all settled in at his University. He graduated high school last month and a week later we moved him into his dorm. Since he is a going to play football, he had to move early. He comes home every other weekend. This particular weekend he is coming home to "celebrate my birthday" even though I have protested profusely. I don’t feel like celebration this year.

To no one’s surprise, Olivia and Corey are getting divorced.  Guess he didn’t like his wife throwing herself at Marshall. Because Corey's family has money, of course, Liv signed a pre-nup and she will get nothing out of the divorce.  She asked our parents if she could move in here, but after I caught her sneaking through my phone one day for Marshall's number, they told her no. As far as I know, she is living at Dane's house, he isn’t there most of the time anyway.

Other than missing Marshall, I’ve spent the last two months holding things down at my parents house so my mom could work. The biggest challenge has been getting my dad off the couch to get some light exercise. Oh and getting him to eat the healthier food we have been making for him. He's like a 4 year old picky eater. I was the strict one when it came to his diet, but he could sweet talk mom into giving him whatever he wanted.  It was a fight every day.



Marshall trying to get in touch with me has been the most painful thing. I wanted to answer the phone and text him so many times. Just tell him I’m headed to Detroit or tell him to come here. I’m half surprised he never showed up, but I wouldn’t have exactly been welcoming. Tristan insisted that I needed to talk to him so I finally gave in and started replying to his texts. I did miss him but I cant take what he said. I guess if I knew he'd never do it again I'd forgive him. But he can’t promise that. I've woken up in the middle of the night for the last two weeks desperate to hop a plane to Detroit. I need him. I miss him. But I am hurting and so confused. He flipped when my parents suggested that maybe one day I might want to be married and have children. He's not committed enough to me to marry me or father my children, not saying I want either of those things, but I'm supposed to be committed enough to him to leave my family whenever he tells me to. What the hell kind of sense does that make?


Tristan came home today and he is insistent on taking me to dinner tomorrow for my birthday. I'm anything but in the mood to celebrate. My mom and dad seem excited for this too so I agreed just to make them happy. I'm currently laying in my bed watching TV. I can hear Tristan in the other room telling my dad all about his football practices. A moment later, Tristan stands leaning against the door of my room, "I got ya a nice gift sis. Any guesses?"  I let out a sigh and shake my head. He just laughs and says he wouldn’t tell me if I did guess. He’s a goofball and it’s probably some silly gift anyway. Only one thing I want for my birthday this year and my stubborn ass self won’t let me have it.
He looks nervous as he makes his way toward my bed and lays down at the end of it. He takes a deep breath as if he is steadying himself for something. He finally speaks, "Well this isnt your gift but it's time you read it." He then hands me an envelope. An envelope with Rose on the front in handwriting I'd know from anywhere. My eye are instantly full of tears. "Why would I read this?" Tristan sighs at me, "Because Danny meant for you to read it almost 2 years ago. Now read it. Its time."  I hesitate causing Tristan to take the envelope from my hand and open it. He then hands me the letter and I'm all but forced to read the words.

My Rose,
Know that I didn’t come to this decision lightly. I want you to know that the years with you were the best of my life. But baby I am hurting and it never stops. What kind of dad can I be to our son? I’m no good for either of you in this state of mind. Baby, I am so tired of fighting every day. Make sure you tell Aiden that his dad loved him. Because I do. I love him so much. Tell him I am proud of him and I’ll be watching over him. I’m betting Tristan has the letter for him too. It’s his to read when he’s older. You will know when the time is right to give it to him.

You are stronger than I ever was and I know you are going to be just fine. Whoever comes after me will have an uphill battle, I'm sorry for that. I’m sure whoever you fall in love with will have to fight to get you, just don’t make him fight too hard. You deserve to be loved and you have so much love to give. My only requirement for my replacement is that he love Aiden as much as he loves you.

Leaving the two of you will be the hardest thing I ever do, but I can’t carry on. I was not meant for this life. I will be missing you forever. I will love you forever.

Don’t be afraid to love and be in love.

I’m sorry for the mess I left behind.

Always yours,
Danny


After I finish reading, Tristan sits up and wraps me in a tight hug. "Rose, we all want your happiness. Even Danny."  I sigh knowing he means Marshall. “Tristan, did you read this?”

“No, I didn’t. I kept it though because I know you. I knew your stubborn ass would need it one day.”

After that, we sit in silence for the longest time. My thoughts on the past and my future. Once again, I am reminded that life is short. I’m still mad as hell for the things he said, and will probably still yell at him for it. However, I can’t deny that Marshall is the future I want.

I look over and see Tristan asleep.  I grab my phone from the nightstand and scroll the messages Marshall has sent over the last couple of months. The last of which came over about 10 minutes ago, "I'm headed to bed. Sleep well. I love you, baby girl." The usual message he sends this time every night for the last week. The difference is that this time I reply, "I love you, Marsh."