🌼FROM
https://archiveofourown.org/users/skeletonflowers/pseuds/worriedpeach
REALLY. FUCKING. KINKY.
HOLY SHIT
Warning: bad puns
Words:3001
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Phil had never really been a huge fan of eggs. He found them a bit weird, the thought of eating something that came straight out of a chicken's ass making him shudder. However, he quickly noticed his tastes changing after Dan accidentally ordered too many eggs from Tesco and had to make them nearly every morning.
Perhaps it was because of that reason why Phil found himself liking eggs more. Or maybe it was just because he made the connection that he had already eaten ass, so an egg was the least of his problems.
That morning was no different than any other as of recently. Dan had rolled out of bed naked, thanks to their late night sex last night, and Phil was sitting at the breakfast bar, watching as Dan grabbed some eggs out of the refrigerator. He was cooking naked aside from the pastel pink apron tied around his neck and waist.
Phil enjoyed watching him as he padded across the floor, his ass jiggling with each step. Phil couldn't help it. He just loved Dan's body so much that he wanted to drink him up in any way possible. He wanted to burn the image of Dan into his mind for eternity.
Dan was humming as he reached for an egg out of the carton, some tune that Phil didn't recognise. However, as he grasped the egg in his hand, it ended up falling out of his grip, splattering on the floor and staining the white tile with white. "Oh dear!" Dan mumbled, grabbing a handful of paper towels and bending down to clean it up.
The action put Dan's ass full on display, his cheeks spreading to reveal his pretty pink hole that was still slightly wrecked from their playtime last night. Dan was unphased, but the sight made Phil shuffle uncomfortably on the stool, his cock beginning to show some interest. His eyes were drawn to the egg splattered on the floor, watching as the yellow spread over the tile.
He stared at the egg, glanced back over to Dan's ass full on display. He licked his lips. Before he could rethink his life, his mouth was forming words that he never thought he'd ever say. "Let me scramble an egg in that ass with my dick, baby."
They both froze. Phil was beating himself up for even thinking of such a thing, and Dan straightened up, giving Phil a long, contemplative look. Phil wanted to sink into the floor and descend straight to Hell so that Dan couldn't judge him. He deserved Hell, that's for sure.
They both stared at each other, and Phil was absolutely red with mortification. He opened his mouth to take it back, but found that his mouth was too dry, his tongue like sandpaper, and he couldn't form any words. Turns out, he didn't have to. Because Dan spoke before he could, his lips turning up into a smirk that Phil knows all too well. Despite his embarrassment, Phil was intrigued. How was it that Dan could always turn a terrible situation into one that didn't seem that bad anymore?
"Is that what you want?" Dan purred, and before Phil knew what he was doing, he bent over, scooped up a bit of egg on his finger, and reached around himself to insert his eggy finger into his ass.
Phil's mouth fell open, his cock twitching at the sight of Dan doing something so completely taboo, so fucking dirty that grandmas all around the world would keel over and die just from the thought of it. He watched as Dan fingered himself with the yolk for a few more seconds, and then he was nodding shakily, not knowing that he needed this until this very moment.
Dan laughed, his voice breathy as he pulled his finger out of his hole. Leaving the egg on the floor, Dan reached for the carton, grabbing an undamaged egg, and held it out to Phil. "Then what are you waiting for? Crack an egg in my ass and fuck me so hard you scramble it."
