Powerless {A.K.}

10.

"Who's Dylan?"

My heart dropped to the floor like an earthquake shook me to my core and broke the last peace available.

"W-what?" I grab my phone and read the message. My anxiety began to raise more and more with every second.

Jackrabbit: Dylan is at the house. Alex is trying to make him leave but he refuses to leave without you. I'm on my way okay? We'll fix this.

I felt tears sting at my eyes. I was free. I was finally fucking free and now he was back. I quickly get up and walk outside to get fresh air in attempts to calm myself down.

My heart was pounding out of my chest like I had just ran a marathon. I frantically run my fingers through my hair, pacing across the concrete.

"Tori?" Awsten asked, walking off the bus, closing the door behind him. I shake my head and pace faster as my phone buzzes more and more. It was him.

"Tori stop." Awsten says sternly. I stop in my tracks and turn to look at him as a tear falls down my cheek. Without warning, he pulls me into a hug. I hold onto him, gripping his hoodie as I sob into this chest.

"It's okay, I'm here." He strokes my hair in attempt to calm me down, whispering reassuring things.

"Breathe with me. In... out.." He says and I try my best to match his breathing pattern. Eventually it evens out and we are in sync.

"It's okay. You're safe. I'm not leaving. I'm right here." He mumbles into my hair as a black car pulls up. Jack.

"I'm sorry. I tried to get here as soon as possible. Tori I'm so sorry. I tried my best." Jack frantically explains and I slowly pull myself away from Awsten long enough to look at Jack.

"It's o-okay, it's fine." I say before crying harder. Awsten pulls me back into his arms, continuing the cycle. After about 5 minutes, I came out of my panic attack.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. Awsten I'm sorry i-"

"Don't. Don't apologize. It's okay, I promise. I'm always here. Never apologize for not being okay. You did the same for me." He says as I pull away from the hug. I sigh, sitting down on the edge of the sidewalk to collect my thoughts. 

"Awsten, can we talk?" Jack asks and Awsten nods before looking down at me for reassurance. I nod, staring at a spot in the concrete.

It had been so long since I ever had to hear that name. That goddamn name. It broke me. It had been so long since I thought about the smell of vodka and the cigarette smoke. It had been so long since the mimicked pains of bruises ached my skin. It had been so long since the toxic memories came back to me.

It had been so long since I felt the hollow spot in my chest where my heart used to be. It had been so long since I doubted myself. 

But now? It was back. All of it flooded over me and consumed me. It smothered me, not daring to give me even an inch of air. The echo of his words crushed me inside.

It's not what it looks like.

I'll change.

I didn't mean it.

Baby please, I didn't mean to.

I was drunk.

It's not like that.

I only love you.

The lies bounced around in my head like kids in a trampoline park. It never stopped. The thought of him at my house, my safe space, traumatized me.  The smell of cigarette smoke would never leave my lungs now. The ghost of him would never leave.