Powerless {A.K.}

39.

"Awsten I'm going to fucking murder you for doing this to me." I say, curling up into a ball. The overwhelming feeling of pregnancy was getting the best of me.

"That wouldn't be fair to our daughter now would it?" He says, sitting beside me on the bed, stroking my hair out of my face.

"Daughter? Bold of you to assume our SON will even like you." I stick my tongue out and he laughs.

"I still can't believe we're having a baby." He says, placing his hand on my developing stomach.

"We? Bitch I'm the one who's gonna have to spawn the thing." I say, laughing.

"Okay okay, you're right. You're spawning but I supplied."

"Awsten!"

"Well it's true!" He defends himself.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?"

"I love you and I'm definitely going to love our DAUGHTER as well." He says, kissing my stomach. I smile, watching him.

"Okay so what will we name our possible daughter?"

"Susan."

"Awsten be serious!"

"How about... Hazel? Blue and green mixed is Hazel. You're blue, I'm green, she's our balance." He suggests and I think about it for a moment.

"You call yourself a natural blue but you are actually the most neon fucking green highlighter to ever exist." I say and he smiles.

"You still think I'm hot though."

"Obviously."

"What would you name our possibly- but-not-likely-son-because-we-are-gonna-have-a-daughter?"

"Silas?"

"That's a good name. But we're still having a daughter." He laughs some.

"Why do you want it to be a girl so badly?" I ask and he pauses.

"I want to have a daughter so I can show her what real love is like. You never got the loving family you deserved. She needs to have that. I want you to have that. I would love our son just the same, but I hope she's a girl. Plus older sisters kick ass." He explains.

"Older sister eh? So you want more?" I smirk.

"Well, eventually, yeah."

"Mark your words, Mr. Knight."

"Oh I gladly will, Mrs. Knight." He kisses me, smiling through it. Our family was coming together. Our family. I never thought I would say that. I never thought I would have a family of my own.

"Hey mama." Alex says, knocking on the door.

"Don't come in, I'm gross." I whine, covering myself up with a blanket.

"Oh well. You've seen parts of me this world should never see so suck it up." He says, walking in. He sits at the end of the bed and pulls the blanket down some so that my head pokes out.

"Peekaboo." I giggle.

"Peekaboo." He smiles. Awsten yawns, leaning back against the bed frame. I sit up beside him and turn to face Alex.

"How are you feeling?"

"I feel like a beluga whale." I say and Alex laughs. Awsten's eyes widen.

"What's wrong?" We ask and he shakes his head.

"Fan fictions have ruined whales for me. Blame Travis, he picked it." He explains and I cringe.

"Do I even wanna know?"

"Geoff impregnated me!" He giggles.

"Sometimes I wish it worked that way so I could actually sleep at night without Hazel beating the shit out of me." I laugh some, placing my hand on my stomach.

"Hazel??" Alex perks up, smiling.

"Yeah, Hazel???" Awsten smirks.

"No, fuck, Silas." I correct myself.

"We've been discussing names." Awsten explains to Alex.

"Can I suggest one?" Alex asks.

"Yeah, of course."

"Lucas."

"That's cute." Awsten says, looking over at me smiling some.

"Why Lucas?"

"Lisa had a miscarriage a year ago and we were hoping for a boy. She had picked the name Lucas and she was wondering if you would have Lucas since we never could." He explains, trying to keep a smile. I could tell it hurt to talk about.

"If we have a boy, his name will be Lucas." I say, holding out my pinky. He smiles, linking our pinkies to promise.

××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

"Jack if you steal one more god damn fry off of my plate I will end your life right there and now. Swear to god I will belly bump you into the next week." I say, looking at the silver haired man who was stuffing his face with French fries he thought I didn't notice he took.

"Understood. Sorry babymama." He laughs some. I roll my eyes.

"Sometimes I feel like your mother." I say, taking a sip of my mango smoothie.

"Just think about it. In three months you'll be just like them." Jack says, looking over at Geoff and Chloe. They were teaching Farore to walk. I smile some.

"You really think so?"

"I know so." Jack smiles, getting up from his seat.

I stare down at the engagement ring on my finger, twisting it around. It didn't seem real. It felt like yesterday we met for the first time. Little did I know that nearly a year and a half later I would be here, heavily pregnant with his child and engaged planning a wedding.

"What about daisies?" Alex suggests, looking at the binder of wedding plans.

"I didn't even think about that."

"Think about what, babe?" Awsten asks, hugging me from behind. I lean back into his embrace.

"Daises for the wedding. You and I have both said anything but roses because they are over used." I say, leaning my head back. He kisses my nose.

"Whatever you want, Mrs. Knight." He smirks.

"Yes sir, Mr. Knight."

×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

My heart ached at the thought of Awsten leaving. He had to go back to Houston to get his things and move and my heart just couldn't handle it. I felt alone. I felt broken. My house was significant quotes without Awsten, Geoff, Otto, Rian, and Zack. Everything felt dull. I felt like a black and white painting. No life, no expression, just darkness.

The overwhelming feeling of pregnancy didn't help the situation either. My hormones were all over the place. One minute I was crying and the next I was laughing my ass off over a squirrel staring at itself in the mirror. Don't ask, it's been a rough week.

Alex and Jack had decided to stay with me until Awsten came back in a week. It made me feel less alone but it was bitter sweet in it's own way as well. Having a baby means no more touring. Having a baby means shopping. Lots and lots of shopping. Having a baby means I will see less and less of the boys and more and more of the expenses of children. On the other hand, life. A literal life will be formed and I get to watch it grow old and spawn even more life into this world. Once again, also bitter sweet.

Life itself was bitter sweet. There will always be hardships and battles to face but there's also always going to be the journey and experience of it all. This experience is one I have never had and in a way I'm lucky to experiment. I can say that life's bitter sweet kick has leaned more towards the sweeter side for once.