Sissy Boy (ManxBoyxBoy) ⎰⛑⎰

36. ѕσℓυтισи

~Today and tomorrow are bleeding together, but for now this is my solution to the chaos in my head.~

A S H T O N

I didn't feel great when I woke up. My head was pounding, my eyes felt a little blurry and I was really tired still. I had said something about it when the doctor was in and he said that it was completely normal. The anesthesia hadn't completely worn off yet and I was feeling the affects from that. While it made sense, it really sucked. At first, I liked the feeling of being light and float-y, but I had stopped feeling the lightness about four hours ago and it stopped being fun.

I was sure that Blake was going to have them give me my pain pills in a little bit because I kept complaining about my head hurting. While I knew it wasn't that severe at the moment, I really just wanted to go back to sleep. I couldn't sleep though, because the nurse was in my room messing with my IV's and taking my vitals.

I was happy because that meant it was almost time for breakfast, and then my pills will be administered. I hadn't heard Blake mention my parents once, which bothered me a little. I'd mildly hoped that when the doctors called them to inform them of me being in the hospital that they would at least call and see how I was doing. Granted they made it pretty clear the last time we'd seen each other that they really didn't care too much.

I don't understand why me being gay is such a problem for them. It's not like I'm trying to make them conform and be gay themselves. I just wanted to be supported by the people whom I believed to love me more than anyone else in the world. I knew that there was a chance they would never accept it, but I always had a lingering amount of hope that they wouldn't. I knew that it was going to be hard to get them to accept it, but I never thought that they would disown me and throw me out... and beat me. That felt a little... too far almost. Like overkill.

My parents had always told me that beating a dead horse would do no good, so why did they do that to me? Wouldn't kicking me out and disowning me be enough?

While they never explicitly said leave, I knew that was the only thing I could do to protect myself, and while they never said they disowned me, they hadn't even checked on me. My dad came by to get me the night I left and then tried to get the police to force me to come back, but I knew that was really just his possessiveness. He didn't want to let me go because I was his "golden boy" and he thought he could change me back.

I wasn't the same person anymore though. I had experienced things that made me realize that I was lying to myself to make them happy and that wasn't okay with me anymore. I was more happy with Blake than I'd ever been with my parents and I knew that it was because I could be completely who I am without him judging me or making me be something I am not.

Since the day I met Blake, I'd been different. He made me feel things that no one else ever had even tried to and there was something so sexy about his warm, dominating presence. It never failed to turn me on whenever he was looking down at me. It didn't matter what the position we were in was, if he was standing above me looking down at me, or if he was sitting beside me and looked down at me, it absolutely set my body on fire. I wanted nothing more than to completely melt into him and let him take all of me. I hated that we hadn't gotten to do much in the way of BDSM because of my surgery and how sick I got.

"What is your pain level, Ash?" The nurse asked, and I grunted a little bit.

"About a five." I said quietly. She checked my stitched and nodded her head.

"It's very red, and looks a little irritated. I'll put in a note for the doctor to check it out. In the meantime, have some breakfast, and then I'll bring you your pain pills alright, darling?" She said softly. I nodded my head and smiled weakly. Come to think of it, the back of my ear did feel a bit tight and uncomfortable. I shook my head a bit and winced. Once the nurse left, she shut the door quietly behind her.