Royals: Misfits

chapter fifteen

15: Face Your Fears

COSINE

By nature, emotion tends to affect humans. Whether you want to eat something, or you're choosing the shirt that you want to wear, emotions can affect all these things. It's so powerful, that it can also destroy you.

My love for science was an odd thing for everyone, and only the ones who also love it can only relate to my talks. But that is the 10% population, out of the thousand students in Asplund.

I wasn't even raised like this. My father wants me to be a lawyer, but I beg to differ.

"Pagkatapos mo ng junior high, you should take HUMMS, then take political science in college." I remember him saying that while we ate lunch with family.

My younger sister, Tan, short for Tangent, looks displeased. "Pa naman, he wants to be an engineer. Let him be!"

"Pinag-usapan na natin 'to diba? He'll be a lawyer!"

Sometimes, I wonder why he named us related to mathematics, but wants us to take a path to be lawyers. I, as a loyal son, his only son, would follow because I needed to.

"B*tch, I don't care if they disown me but I ain't gonna be an architect like him!" I remember Alexid saying, as she expressed her distaste on the idea of her taking Architecture while she sipped her orange juice at the prom.

No word could ever replace my jealousy over Alexid's braveness. The fact that she can fight for whatever she wants without being scared made me believe that she isn't really bad.

She's just that open to what she wants herself to be, even though everyone doesn't want her to do that.

Allison looks distraught after I confessed what I feel. I feel like I needed air, I needed a supply of oxygen yet I feel so heavy from all the things I've been into. I want her to understand what I'm feeling. I want to let her know that this isn't something normal for any human being to feel.

Joining her group made me feel pain that I've been ignoring for the past few years.

"I'm sorry." I heard her voice cracked upon the last word, avoiding my gaze, fidgeting her fingers, stating she's uncomfortable.

"O-Oh, n-no-"

"I'm sorry for letting you in, but you chose this path yourself. And I, will congratulate you for it."

"Huh? Why?"

This time, our eyes met, having this intense emotion that I couldn't figure out what is. "You chose this without hesitation. You maybe giving up on life, yet you never said you're giving up for the group."

"I would consider that as the same, Alli."

"I'd rather think not," she stood closer to me, "Your soul says yes, but your mind doesn't quite agree. My sister felt the same way when she dropped out of high school."

I was genuinely shocked on what she said. Her sister dropped out?! How come I never knew?!

I heard her inaudible sigh. "She knew that their words hurt her. She clearly gave up, yet at the same time she didn't. She left her school, but never left her life."

I was quite confused, I unknowingly scratched my head. "Pardon, you want me to drop out?"

"No, I want you to learn." she said, while picking up a piece of pebble on the ground. "I want you to understand yourself. You're no different to us, because you have us. You don't have to feel isolated. These words may not mend your wounds, but it would make them scars."