This is where we belong (#wattys2019#wattys2020)

Deep inside my heart

I wanted to describe the way i felt with the boys but somehow the paper stayed empty and i could not have described it any better - ZAYN

Zayn P.O.V
I got no rest no sleep. I was full of remorse. How could Kylie be so heartless .
"Are you still awake?" Harmony rescued me from solitude.
"Yea....what bout you Harmony?"
"Couldn't sleep"
She changed her position so as to face me.
"Zayn.."i looked at her blue irises "have you ever lost someone you love and wanted more conversation with?"
"Don't know"
"Like someone who completed you ...was your identity?"
"Some four boys i suppose" i closed my eyes to imagine them and my hands trembled.
"I'll give you an example ..like when one is 4 and losses the first tooth . One cries , feels uncomfortable about that gap and that person shrugs everytime he touches that gap with his tongue...but once the new teeth starts to grow he is happier and excited ...so were they four you know like those teeth..they had to shed from my life...tough separation was painful now everything's perfect"

"No Zayn i don't feel so ... everyone in life leaves an imprint . They may stay or go in physical realm, but they are always there in your heart,cause they have a part of yours,you can't get over them never so easily."

"Misconceptions.They never owned a bit of my heart though I did everything for them . I mean all my life i had been worrying about them, their wellbeing but while i was saving them who was out for me?. Who out of them was saving me?
No one out of them. That was the first step towards reality. No one but i had to save myself. I had to fix myself, my feelings. So i withdrew." I said straight away.

"They loved you so much zayn they cared for you, and i know they still do"
"Love" i slured "damn it. You know everyone thinks that i walked into one-direction with a purpose in my life. But the heart of my heart also knew that the life i was living was a lie. Everyday I had to go the place i hated just because i was paid. All i wanted was the day that i start to live cause I was too scared that I would become like the rest only walking with the crowd. Because what i actually want to would have been oppressed. So i left.
Think if I stayed i'd look back on life and realise that i never really lived. All did was just exist. So what i did was right. I feel so much better now as if nothing is impossible for me now. I'm free!!"
"Zayn so can't ignore your emotions. I know you still miss them."she said rather low but deterred as if trying to convince me.
I know i miss them everyday. More than anyone else does,i think. They are a big hole in my life, in the middle of my soul or just they were just the beginning of it. I don't know. I even don't know whether all this what i feel is really about the boys or whether its about what happened after that, and everything that has happened since i left them. All i know is one minute I'm ticking along fine and life is sweet and i long for nothing and next, i can't wait to get away, I'm all over. I feel like rushing back to them.
"You are naive to think that way sunshine .Don't believe whatever the paps say. It's all a lie."
"You do Zayn. I know you really well"she was putting stress on her words. That was more like pushing me to agree to what she says.

"How can you say that you know me when you when you've only seen my skin and not untamed the world i hide thats growing deep within. You haven't heard all my ribs creak behind each plaited vine or swum beneath the waterfall that cascades down my spine. You haven't climbed the branches that are wrapped around my lungs swaying with the breezes that come past dancing on my tongue. You haven't been long enough to know the true me. I am quite unpredictable. A mystery yet to be solved." I grimaced

"Zayn your words are always deceiving but your body stiffness is expressing everything. You are an open book. Atleast for me surely"
"What's the point? What do you wanna prove sunshine?" I cupped her cheeks and raised her head to meet her eyes. The were full of tears.
"Nothing" a tear drop fell down to her cheeks from her orbs "I'm sorry"
"What for?" Her expression was so cute that i chuckled.
"Aren't you mad at me?" Her irises widened
"Why will i be? You haven't done anything."
"People say that you get mad when someone asks you personal questions."
"That's cause media makes a mess out of everything. I don't like answering them. With you everything is different. The world seems new and alive."
I took a long breath
"You make me feel unique Harmony like I'm the only one in this world" she looked at me as if she'd never expected such an answer.
"Get up I'll take you somewhere"i added
"We can't. Its really late and Asif is gonna be back soon from his night shift"
"Leave a note for him then"she nodded

Harmony P.O.V
I couldn't make out what was in Zayn's head. Where one can possibly go at such an hour. I don't know even if any place is open at 3 am.
We drove to our destination. I had to drive the car so Zayn directed me cause he still wasn't confident about driving.
We drove out of the city deeper and deeper into the jungle
"Aren't you kidnapping me or something... using my help" he chuckled
"I'd thought that you'll trust me now...atleast after so many meets and conversations"

"Look there drive properly. There is a steep turn ahead"
Zayn was directing me and we went deeper into the forest. I could hear eerie shreaks of animals. I trembled with fear.
"Look for yourself sunshine. There is no danger in this jungle....just some small animals are present....no one will eat u here" he chuckled observing my facial expressions.
"Concentrate on your work Zayno" he laughed even harder.
"We'r ere"
"What is so special about this empty ground?"
"My bestie lion lives ere. I wanted to gift him some food so i brought you"
"Very funny but sorry i didn't like your joke" he grinned like a chimpanzee.
"Walk" now i could hear some waterfalls. Ther was a stream with Crystal clear water flowing swiftly shinning like glitters under the moonlight.
"Look up" he commanded
There were millions of stars shinning brightly smiling at us. The reflection seemed like some precious pearls wobbling in the stream.
We both lay down on the grass between the flowers like daturus and queen of night whose fragrance spread round the place making it angelic. I was already falling hard for him and what ate me alive was that he will never call me his . I was gazing at the serene nature thinking about how much I like him and should I tell him about it cause somewhere i was too scared to admit it but
Zayn preferred to look at me without any halt though the scenery infront of him was more appealing.
"Be mine"he spoke out of nowhere.
"What" i felt that i misinterpreted something.
He sighed and i looked into his eyes that out-did the beauty of diamonds as i could see my reflection in his brightly gleaming orbs flaring under the moon.
"I want you to be mine.." his expression softened. I was more than stunned. It was so hard to comprehend what he said though I knew I'd heard him right.
"I...i..i don't know" i gulped
"Just think about it...gimme a chance"
"What about Ethan?"
"I'll never spill the beans...It'll always remain a secret"
"Don't tell it to Asif also"
"For sure... not to anyone...so What you say"
"YES" i breathed out
A million-dollar smile appeared on his face.
"Thanks"he pecked me on my lips. Wow I couldn't believe myself that it really happened zayn malik is my boyfriend.

***

We entered the house at almost 6 at morning. It was still a bit dark outside.
"Oh my God ..couple goals"
Asif pointed towards our locked hands .
"So where have you been the whole night love birds?"
My body was stiff. Zayn had already told him.
"Asif stop speaking shit.... i don't appreciate when you speak rubbish" zayn's fists tightened. He was so infatuated by him.
"Hey" Asif raised his hands up in defence "take it easy...if i had known that you'll be so offended i would 'ave never spoken that"
"No problem"zayn gave a grim laugh and shook his head in despair.
"Keep a check on these jokes mate"
"Really sorry zayn...sorry Harmony"
"No worries" i smiled and dozzed off. I had to miss my college due to lack of sleep amd no offence cause it was worth it.