Although you're gone a part of you remains.
Your finger tips on my skin has left a stain.
My world feels empty ever since you left without hearing the words I needed to say.
You walked away when you told me you would always stay.
Am I the one who lacked the heart?
Or was it you?
Am I the one who caused this mess or was it you?
If you give me a second I must confess all the pain that led to this stress.
I have felt this hurt before, at first it wasn't your part.
It was from a different time in life that I thought spared my heart.
But I was wrong and it tore me apart.
Being left was always a fear.
But it wasn't always so clear.
It took for you to leave,
to make me believe it.
The fear was all too clear now.
Along with your newly made mistakes.
It was too much to be okay, and in my heart they felt like stakes.
You're unexpected leaving
reminded me of all my grieving.
I missed the people who had left me.
The ones who had the choice
And the one who didn't.
You tried everything you could to make it up to me, but I could never seem to get a grip.
I could tell you had enough of me, but I didn't know if it was all in my head or if it was the ugly truth.
Every day was a struggle and looking back I knew it was tough.
Every joke you told, I got upset. But what you didn't know was the war inside my head.
The battle was rough.
The thing is I never meant to hurt you.
I was just trying to forgive you.
It was hard with all the things going on.
Graduation, the pressure of college, the constant fear you would get up and leave. Like you did on and on this past year.
I couldn't tell you this then because I didn't know myself.
Not until you asked for a break, in which I fully broke myself.
It didn't last long enough for me to tell you this.
My findings and my only wish.
I realized that no matter what you did, the gifts and all the beautiful things. Not even the fancy bling or a big dimond ring.
I couldn't forgive you unless I did it myself, but I just didn't know how.
How to be okay with the leaving and things inbetween.
I didn't know how to move on because everything felt like a ton of bricks falling all at once.
I knew from the start I wanted you to be mine forever.
But forever is something I never knew.
I looked back on all the chances we blew, thinking this time was the right time, no looking back.
I guess I was out of my mind and you just didn't know how to take it.
You never told me about your life. All the challenges and strife.
You would turn a 360 on me and lead me on a guessing game.
But you're gone now and guess who's to blame?
You're angry with life now. I'm not quite sure if it's because of me. There could be something else, but only you know what it could be.
It's only been a week since its been official and I know I've been a little sentimental.
But I thought you would be here, cheering me on as I moved along.
It's really hard because with everything already going on you deicided it was a great time to start moving on.
I know I said it first out of anger but you were the one who fully pulled the trigger.
The bullet went straight to my heart and blood splattered around like art.
Things happened that we couldn't fix yet if we tried, maybe that's why we split this time.
But I would rather cry a thousands times then see love for someone else in your eyes.
I wasn't right all the time but I loved you even when you didn't make me feel the best.
One day you'll realize I wasn't like the rest.
And one day if you ever need some one to talk to, I will be here because I could never walk away from you.
The one thing I would make you understand if I could is how much you really mean to me.
My heart was missing pieces because of the past. You filled the spaces and my love for you grew fast.
I'm praying to God he'll have mercy on us one day. And the all the rain will go away.
Remember you'll always have a safe, warm, place here.
No matter how far you stray, I feel you're the one deep in my bones.
It doesn't matter where you've roamed, I hope one day you'll make my heart your permanent home.
