I haven't been officially looking at your posts. Apart of me didn't even want my name to pop up on your phone unless it was because you did something first. This morning, I accidentally looked at your story on insta and that led to you blocking me again.
I really am trying to act like I don't give a shit. Because that's what I'm supposed to do. Because that's what everyone else expects me to do. Because that's what I tell myself I should do. But deep down I do give a shit. I thought we were going somewhere I thought you know, maybe we could make things work.
But now I'm thinking maybe I got too happy too fast and I trusted you when I shouldn't have.
When someone you really love comes back into your life and tells you they never fell out of love with you they just didn't want a relationship and want to be friends for now and see where it goes. And buys you things and holds your hand and touches your body and calls you beautiful again and then tells you they want it to work eventually and see it going somewhere and you're over his house and have discussions with his parents. I don't know. That shit does something to you. I guess it makes you want to believe.
I know I had a hard time believing and trusting you. Truth is, this is why. Maybe I knew it all along and refused to believe it cause I didn't want to. I was still healing. You even said it yourself, it's different when you start working on it with someone rather than on your own. I know it wasn't me, because every time I asked if I should dial it down or back off or pull back you told me not to.
I don't really know anymore. I just believed everything you said to me. Now you wanna tell me I took it all wrong. I don't know how I did. I wasn't expecting a relationship soon or anything. But when someone tells you they see it going somewhere you don't expect them to go talk to other people and put themselves out there.
Usually I would sit here and apologize to you for loving you too much or caring too much. And I just realized I don't have to. Because it's a blessing to have someone who loves and cares for you as much as I do. I should be apologizing to myself for letting you back in so easily, when I said I wouldn't. I should apologize to myself for it all. Because I didn't have to do anything with you, but I did. Because that's what I wanted and I thought you wanted it too cause that's what you said and how you acted.
But, I was wrong.
