I saw you yesterday.
I had to go complete some college things and I knew you worked there at the little coffee cart. Ever since I found out I had to go to that campus for classes and that you worked there, I thought it was abit ironic.
I saw you twice. Once, when I walked in and twice when we walked in the same direction. I probably looked a fool whispering oh shit to my mother. That is if you were even paying attention.
I saw you, but I didn't talk to you. I barely could even look at you. If anything all I got was a quick blurry glance, I was nervous. I realized that maybe I couldn't look at you because I couldn't see your eyes. Other people have brown eyes, but yours are like no others. And I guess I didn't want to look into them and see if the love you once had for me was faded away.
You posted something a few days before talking about how you were ready to leave the past behind and start a new chapter in your life, a fresh start. I texted you, because I thought maybe I could still be in that new chapter even as friends. And like always, you didn't respond. And it didn't bother me like usual and I think maybe that's because I know some where down the road, in the future you will talk to me again. Because, I believe when people are really meant to be in each others lives no matter what happens, God will make it happen. And tell me, what are the odds that three days after you wanted to move on from the past and start new, that your past comes walking right through the door?
Ever since I saw you, I've been feeling every emotion I could be feeling. Sad, because I miss you. Disappointed, because we acted like strangers when we both know we're more than that. Oddly happy, because I got to be around you again even if it was for a brief few seconds in which we didn't acknowledge each other.
I wonder how you feel or if you even care at all. We haven't seen each other in 5 months or talked in 4. And it's true when they say seeing them in person changes things. In those few seconds I wasn't behind a phone screen, it wasn't easy to hate me. I was right there, in the flesh. I just wonder what you're thinking. Maybe it sparked something you were trying to forget but couldn't. But only God knows. Maybe He's doing this for a reason.
Now come a few weeks, I will be walking past you every Friday. If this isn't God's doing then what is it? Because we've been at this game for 5 years now and every time we fall we come back. There has to be a reason.
I've been joking about it, but deep down it's tearing me apart. Your blurry image keeps playing back in my mind and I just think about us and I so badly want to cry.
I miss you and I don't think this all is a coincidence. I believe somethings meant to happen here at some point. Maybe this is the first step.
I still love you...
