Songs for this chapter- Towers: Little Mix, Half A Heart: One Direction
Chapter 20:
"Are you happy here?" Navy asks me randomly.
They just came home from spending the day doing couple things, and now Navy is sitting on the couch next to me. Thankfully, I stopped crying awhile ago. I'm still sat on the couch though. I have made some progress in sorting out the mess inside my head. I came up with a word to describe what I'm feeling. Hollow. That's my word. Something is missing, but I don't know (or maybe I just won't admit) what.
"Why would you ask that?" I reply.
"Well, let's see. You mope around the house all day unless Ron is here. When you're alone you just seem so deflated and sad all the time. Like right now. I'm sure when Ron came over earlier you were laughing and smiling, but now he's gone and you just sit here and stare at the tv which isn't even on, by the way." He says, noticing my bipolar behavior.
"What are you trying to say?" I say, feeling very defensive.
"I don't really know, maybe I'm just worried about you." He sighs, sinking back into the sofa.
"Okay, well what do you want me to say?" I snap.
"That you're head and heart are here and not in London." He admits.
"What are you...no. Don't even go there Navy I swear to god, stop." My voice raises slightly. At first I didn't get where he was going with that, but then it hit me. Niall. That's where he's going with this.
"You know I have to. This is coming out of the goodness of my heart and I have all the love in the world for you, but honestly Rosie I know you. The reason you mope around all day is because you miss him. And the reason you only put on a fake smile for Ron is because you want to prove something to yourself that you are in fact over Niall when I know you aren't." He just went there.
"Navy, I didn't come here to get away from him. I came for myself and my future. Why is that so hard to understand? I'm done with him. And just for your information, when I smile with Ron, it's real." I say with an annoyed attitude.
"Okay, first of all I didn't mean you came here for bad reasons. All I'm saying is I can see right through you. You may be done with Niall but that doesn't mean you don't still love him. And secondly, you obviously care about Ron, I get that. But not in the way he cares about you. I hate to say it this way, but I have no other way to put it. You're using him because you need to feel loved. That's not a bad thing necessarily, but it is in this situation." He states.
"Oh really, is that so? And you know all of this how? Navy, I don't think anyone on this planet has ever criticized me as much as you. I know you say it's all out of love, but you constantly pick me apart and you act like you know everything when you really don't." My voice gets louder and louder until I'm shouting by the end.
"I do know this, because I know you! And I'm not going to apologize for calling you out on taking advantage one of my friends. I don't care who you are to me, what you're doing is immoral and plain disrespectful." He says.
"So now I'm taking advantage of him." I laugh with venom in my voice.
"Exactly, that's exactly what you're doing. This always happens with you. In New York you wouldn't admit you loved Niall, and you still won't." He argues.
"Fuck, Navy. You really don't get anything. Of course I love him. I love him with every fibre of my being to the point where I can't think about anything else but him. I love him so much that I hate myself for it. But that is not the point anymore, he cheated on me and I may have forgiven him but I haven't forgotten. I'm never going to stop loving him, but I can still fall in love with someone else. And Ron makes me happy, is that really the worst thing in the world?" I say, standing up from the couch and throwing my arms out.
