First Love | Sope

Chapter 13

Sitting upright in my bed with my back leaned up against the headboard, I'm grateful Joon made me soup for dinner rather than something I would've had to figure out where it was at on a plate to eat. Though, it's completely cold now, having waited until late to actually bothering to muster up the motivation to eat anything. He's a really good cook though, whatever kind of soup it is. He didn't really say anything when he brought dinner in today, not having even bothered with bringing me lunch.

However, as I finish up with the dinner he'd kindly made me, I begin to hear the faintest of sounds. I frown at this, hearing what alarmingly sounds like faint sobbing. My throat tightens up at the sound, my heart sinking in my chest as the soup no longer begins to sit well with my stomach.

Placing my bowl off to the side of my bed, I cautiously crawl over to the other side and run my hand along the wall to help myself up. I stumble ever so slightly in the process, thankfully not being too loud as I use the wall to guide me to my open door. Taking a deep breath as I reach the wooden frame, I try to picture in my head what I'd known so well to be my apartment I shared with Jiminie. Joon's been using Jimin's room while he's away with Jungkook, thankfully not making this a nightmarish task.

Keeping my hand along the wall, I make my way to my brother's room and pause once properly outside of it. I can hear him crying much more clearly now, breaking my heart even more than before. It's still not overly loud sounding, Namjoon always having been quiet and reserved. That's why it'd been so hard all those years ago to find out that he was being bullied about how smart he was. Ever since I taught him how to control his emotions and feelings, he grew into being such a quiet and shy kid.

"I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to take care of him, but he refuses to try. He's so set on the damn thought that he's useless and a complete burden that he doesn't even want to cooperate in eating. I don't know how to help him."

I freeze cold at the sound of his voice, not so smooth and steady as he seems to try and pull himself together. My heart shatters even more at this, feeling even worse for my brother than before if possible.

"I- okay. I can try to do that. I just can't be gone too long. I don't want to leave him alone for longer than necessary, and I don't particularly care to leave him alone to begin with."

I'm curious as to who he's talking to, but don't remotely care to make my presence known. I've caused him enough trouble as it is.

"I know, and that doesn't make this any easier. I just... I know, it's not easy to begin with. I've always been the younger one and there's a reason he'd done so well with raising me and taking care of me when we were younger. I don't know what I'm supposed to do at this point and I don't wanna let him down. He's my brother."

Reaching up, I have to cover my mouth as I feel tears beginning to form. I don't want to cry and be caught eavesdropping on my brother, but I can't help it.

All these years, I'd thought he hated me. Hoped that I'd done enough to at least get him started on going somewhere with his life. Hoping that he wouldn't hate me forever thanks to the things I'd done to get him in shape and get us through the years alone together. Yet, only to find that, after everything, he never hated me to begin with? Feeling like I'm letting him down when he's afraid of doing exactly that?

"Okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow then. I'm gonna go check on Yoongi before trying to get some sleep I guess."

Taking another deep breath, I try to make my way back to my room as quickly and quietly as possible. Thankfully, I don't struggle too much and manage to crawl into bed quickly. I ignore the empty bowl of soup that doesn't feel too far away from my body at this point, curling up as I would if I were trying to sleep.

I soon here Namjoon's footsteps towards my room before the soft padding of his feet against my carpet is heard. Feeling the bed dip behind me, I don't move, not wanting to give light to the fact that I'm not actually asleep yet.

"I'm so sorry, hyung. Please don't give up on me. I promise I'll do what it takes to get you better and learning how to maneuver. I don't wanna let you down after everything you've done for me."

I feel him kiss the side of my head when he finishes speaking, before the presence of the soup bowl is no longer there and the sound of him walking away is heard once more. I feel more tears rolling down my cheeks at this, wishing I hadn't disappointed him so much with all of this hassle.