My One Shots

My Eid

"You'll apply henna on my hands and no arguments!" Fatima said, grinning.

"No, please. Not this time. I'm in no mood. And i don't even like to apply henna anymore," i replied, trying to get away with it.

"No excuses! Please, Adi. It will take a short while only." She made the cutest face that she always manages to.

"God, no." I made an annoyed face. Giving up, i announced, "Okay, fine. But! I'll keep it short."

"Ughhh, Adi!" She made a rather annoyed, complaining face, "Okay, fine. Just do it already!"

Fatima is one of my younger cousins, one of the cute ones among all. And the problem with me is that i don't have that interest in applying henna that i used to have years ago. And now it annoys me as much as it used to make me happy.

"Adi!" There comes Sabiha, another one of the cute cousins of mine. I'm so screwed.

"Here!" i replied, intending to tell her where i am.

"There you are. YOU. ARE. GOING. TO. APPLY. HENNA. OnMyHandsToo," she screamed. Yeah, that's how rhythmic she is.

"Okay, okay. Patience." I put my hands up in disapproval. My cute ones; my family.

She threw herself on the bed beside me and started quietly watching over at Fatima's right hand where i was making not-so-good designs.

We kept gossiping till late night and our parents kept scolding us throughout, after every hour or so. It was the usual every year.

The best part about Eid in our family is when everyone (the families of my uncles) comes to the hometown from across the cities and celebrate it here with their parents (my grandparents). It's the only time of the year when we all gather and just be together.

My favorite part used to be where we're all cousins together, gossiping. This doesn't happen so often anymore.

This year, everything was according to the usual and everyone was gathered downstairs. It was the usual Eid environment when i was in my room, upstairs.

No matter how much i didn't want to celebrate, i still managed to dress up and put on some makeup, no jewelry.

After getting ready, i went downstairs to say Eid greetings to the elders and came back upstairs.

It was one of those Eids when i just couldn't be happy. This day, last year, was my best Eid because i'd met apparently my other half.

After a year, i still couldn't move on and i just wanted to ask him if he knew how i felt this Eid. I wanted to ask if he knew he had made my Eid last year the best one throughout the span of my life so far.

All of which said, i couldn't contain myself this Eid. As i climbed upstairs and headed to my room, i burst. I cried and it was the tears that i had been holding in for so long. I mean i had cried just last night, but it was Eid, and i was guilty since then, as to why i wasn't feeling any happiness regarding Eid.

While everyone was happy, chattering, creating the specific Eid environment, i was crying into my pillow. My sobs muffled into my thick, hard pillow.

No one knew how i felt. They couldn't.

"Oh Allah, grant me the person i had once assumed to be my soulmate and for whom i had once asked in my Tahajjud prayers. Oh Allah, i don't even know what to pray for... Please grant me with him or erase him completely from my heart. Just completely. Please, oh God. I want to praise you and worship you for only you and not because i want something or someone. Please cleanse my heart from this wish and make it completely clean from every filth. Please make my heart only for you and fill it with your love. Oh Allah, mercy."

My sobs were getting louder as i repeated the words in my heart. Eventually, i finished crying and headed downstairs for the usual Eid lunch.

"Afraaz! You know we've got a proposal for Maryam just recently," my mom said to my uncle, her brother-in-law, while we were all gathered in the lounge.

My heart skipped a beat.

"Oh, wow. So how do you like it?" he replied, asking. He has always been the jolly-type.

Please no. Not good. God, no.

"You know Shehroze's class-fellow, Ahmed?"

Shehroze is my other uncle. He lives abroad with his family hence isn't here for Eids.

"Yeah, what about him?"

"That's him, they guy."

His eyes widened and his lips curved into a smile. A pleasant shock. A shocked smile. I didn't know how to interpret it. My heart skipped a beat yet again.

No, please. God, no.

I hadn't stopped loving the person i once loved and i couldn't think of anyone else just yet.

When he opened his mouth, he uttered in shock, "He's almost Shehroze's age; it's strange!"

Everyone nodded in agreement and with a fun expression.

"But if he's a good man, why not?" He winked and smirked at me. His usual nature of teasing. He was probably in a mood, and my heart skipped another beat.

Now i was so annoyed but also curious. Hopeful for them to disapprove it before i get up and leave the lounge.

"There's no doubt they're good people," Mom exclaimed. She was in a good mood.

Why, mom?

"But the age gap is literally unacceptable for me. I can't marry my daughter off to someone of her uncle's age; even though the guy and his brothers are gems. I'm certain of it, because i have terms with their family. His sister is my colleague." I looked up at my mother with grateful and hopeful eyes.

Thanks, Mom. I smiled.

The day wasn't over when i had to visit my late maternal grandmother's home, which is now of my maternal uncles'.

Major missing.

I missed my grandmother so much. I always miss her. I'll always miss her.

At night, i gathered the events from all day and went to sleep.

Today, when everyone was smiling and laughing and happy, i was muffled in my pillow with silent tears. Today was Eid, and Eid is a day of happiness for Muslims. I just couldn't feel happy, because it was one of those bad days for me; a usual bad day when my life and i were falling apart.