My One Shots

From My Personal Diary

Disclaimer: This is so, so personal to me, so please don't stay near here if you don't want to read an excerpt from someone's personal diary, because it's almost like one.

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You told me, "Tum mujhay kisi naiki kay badlay main mili ho." And i won't lie, it was a good feeling. But sometimes i just wonder, "Main aap ko mili hi kab thi? Bilkul waisay hi jaisay mujhay apni mohabbat adhoori lagti hai, aap ko bhi main kabhi mili hi naheen thi."

And i'll never lie, "Main du'a karti hun kay main aap ko mil jaaun aur yay keh sakun kay main nay aap ko paa liya." Aur yay kay, "You're mine."

Which i can't say just yet. I can't say you're mine.

But someday, i just hope i can see you only once in my lifetime.

Let me tell you something.

It's a fact that i have only dreamt of you twice. And i mean i've seen you in my dreams only twice.

The first time, it was very weird. I'd seen your mother, too, whom i call mom in my imagination. All in all, the first dream was very weird.

The second time, it was in such a way that made me realize how much i miss you, more like how desperate i am to really just see you, soon.

How it goes like is i was at my office, just like i'd sit in the conference hall everyday. I saw someone sitting/standing beside me. It suddenly dawned upon me that the person right next to me was you. And i didn't dare look straight into your direction. I just glanced you by the corner of my eye.

And i woke up.

What it probably meant was that you were here all the time. That you were with me all this while. Even in those days at work, and maybe when i am in class. You're probably always there.

You are here, in my heart. And maybe that's what the dream meant. But i already know it, that my heart is so desperately in love with you that it can't abandon you even if i try for it to.

But then i can't really interpret my dream.

Maybe it was one of those dreams where you see what you have in your heart and mind.

Maybe...

But then i hoped for really seeing you. I secretly wished i could see you there--in my office. Maybe a miracle could happen? But i knew i was being crazy. And i accepted the fact that i was thinking so crazily.

Maybe, i couldn't let go of the wish. The wish to just, really, see you.

And i really want it to be true. That, "You're mine."

{I want to go to the top of Himalaya with you. I want to do stargazing with you. I want to stare down the cliff with you. I want to feel the wind with you. I want to walk beside the sea with you. I want to go to every tour with you that you have ever already had and that i've always dreamed of.}