My One Shots

Paper Towns

I was reading Paper Towns by John Green, and i was so lost that i almost wanted Margo Roth Spiegelman to be real and to be here, with me (i also loved the girl who played her in the motion picture).

Reading was an escape for me, and John Green's books, my favorite escape. This is my second last book of him and its my favorite work of him till date. Excluding The Fault In Our Stars, of course, because it'd be the last one i'd read (yes, i haven't yet).

I'm lying here now, in this dark yard, with bits of moonlight and faint specks of artificial lights around me. And i don't have an escape right now. Funny how i don't get in and pick the Paper Towns up again and resume with my escape? Yeah, but i'm feeling nostalgic.

Nostalgia is a weird thing, no?

It hits you in the middle of listening to a sad song, or talking to someone not-so-friendly, or in the middle of reading a considerably concentration-worthy scene in Paper Towns. Also, that's when they're (boy and girl) talking, that's when i'm almost at the end of it.

It's funny.

Nostalgia can hit you anywhere, anytime. And what's more funny is that, it never asks for your consent.

It just happens.

Simple.

"Do you know i miss you?" I whisper under my thoughts, distant from my own auditory.

"Oh no, he doesn't." Something inside me responded.

"I didn't talk to you!"

"Oh, hi."

"Shut up! Go away!"

"You know i don't mean to harm you--"

"I know you don't want to harm me, but apparently, you do. You do hurt me."

"Look, you just need to trust me--"

"With you telling me he doesn't miss me? Bullshit. I've heard it so many times that i don't want to hear it right here, right now, or whenever. I never want to know this anymore. I'm done!" I shouted, my voice cracking towards the end of it.

"Wow. Please stop. Stop crying."

"..."

"Sometimes you just gotta believe that it's you, sweetheart. It's you. And it's me, the voice of your heart. You love him? You love him very much, and you know that! And i know that! Sometimes that's gotta be enough. It shouldn't matter what he's feeling right at this moment, it should matter what you're feeling right now," it whispered ever so gently.

"But i love him--"

"I know you do. In fact, i do that more than you do, i realize that more than you do, and i feel that more than you do. But you can't know his feelings, right? Keep loving him anyway! Didn't you say love is unconditional? Why does it keep conditions for you to love him, then?"

"I haven't stopped loving him--"

"You haven't. You should cheer up! Right now, you need your love more than anyone else does, even him. It's you right here, right now. Sometimes, it's okay to be uncertain about things. You know what's best in those times?" I shot a questioning glance towards infinity. "To keep loving yourself. Be self-centered all you want. But only at times like this, because after that, you aren't allowed to take off your brave face with the most beautiful smile ever."

"But..."

"Uh huh. Does believing in the fact that he loves you, too, help?"

"I guess?"

"He loves you, too."

I smiled.

"Let's go back to Margo with a brand new smile?" Something inside me winked.

"Yes! I can't wait to see how it turns out between Q and her!"

Like everyone else, i also need someone to calm me down at nostalgic times. Funny how i--or people like me--always crave a touch of comfort. Funny how i have these conversations inside of me. Funny how i feel better afterwards.

"Listen, he loves you." The last voice before i went back to the Paper Towns was quite convincing.