My One Shots

Insecure

"Do you get it?!" she shouted at the top of her lungs through the mouthpiece. "When i needed you, you weren't there! And now you're here to tell me that you should've been there and that you're sorry you weren't? To hell with your explanations! I don't care any--"

He hung up.

He hung up. Wow.

I'm sorry, okay? I really didn't know we needed any explanations between us, but i've already told you, Haania, that i wasn't home! And i'd forgotten my phone at home and i... Fuck it, it's not like you care at all.

It was a text from him after a few hours.

She typed back,

Yeah, i don't care. Exactly like you don't care. So we're even. Okay?

Damn it, Haania.

She felt a pang of guilt form inside her, and fear. Fear, she thought. I'm afraid. More than anything.

She mentally cursed herself.

I'm so dependent. God, what am i gonna do without him? What am i gonna do at all? I certainly don't deserve him. But--

Type, Haania. Just do something; don't lose him.

After a few minutes--fortunately he hadn't replied yet--she typed back,

Look, i'm sorry. I know i always mess up. But please just...--she felt self-pity well up inside her, which isn't the easiest thing to deal with, so she paused for a second--I'm sorry i let you down.

He replied almost instantly,

Him: My love, you haven't let me down. I just didn't know what to do with everything going on. Everything is just so messed up.

Her: I'm sorry for being so hard to deal with. I am so insecure and i don't know how to think straight every time...

He didn't waste so long before ringing her, to which she contemplated a bit before answering.

A simple "hi" came from the other side of the line.

"Uh, hi...," she managed.

"Hi!" A smile could be heard in his voice.

No reply.

"Haania?" The smile was instantly replaced by concern, and then impatience. "Haania!"

All he could hear was silence.

"You're worrying me, and i don't want to die of a heart attack at such a young age. I have a family, dude! A mother, a--"

He was cut off by a "shut up!" with a mixed weeping and laughing clear in her voice, making him laugh.

"I love you, okay?" he said, causing a wave of shiver to run through her. "Are you listening?"

"I'm so bad."

"No, you're not. Let's leave it all behind, shall we? Please."

"So, do you forgive me?"

"Of course not."

"You... You don't?"

"Of course not. There's nothing like forgiveness needed here. You scolded me, and i did the same. So we're supposed to be even right now, no?"

"Okay."

Not everything is healed by love. Love is not supposed to be the only manager to look over all the business. There are other, more important, or at least equally important, things.

Aahil understood what Haania needed besides love and care.

A psychiatric treatment.

Now what he needed to do was to fight the stigma, and that wasn't going to be the easiest thing to do.

***

"So, Aahil, what are you going to do now?" Shahvez asked.

"Don't know, man. I just know it's necessary. I don't know what to do about it, and i don't..." he trailed off.

"Relax, dude. Let's figure this out together. I'll think about it and tell you what i come up with. It'll certainly be fine, that i'm sure. Yeah, there are barriers, but at least the destination is clear in your mind. Don't stress, okay?"

"Okay, bro," he said half-heartedly.

"Chill."

"So i'll ring her today and try to tell her that she's going to the therapist ASAP. That's right."

"Oh boy."

"Shahvez. What else do i do, you tell me?"

"Okay, dude. Apparently, there's nothing else to do, you're right." He gave Aahil one of his reassuring smiles.

Aahil smiled back, knowing what to do, knowing he's got it.

***

"Haania, be attentive. I didn't virtually drag you to be alone on there to casually chatter," Aahil exclaimed, annoyed about her bragging on how she could hardly get into the front-yard of her house to talk to him, in all chit-chattering tone, with the most genuine smile of the world and the nervous laughter of hers.

Okay, wow, Aahil thought. I don't think i can tell her now. Seriously, what the heck?

"So, would you listen to me and very calmly? Please do not react badly. You have to understand this."

"Say it already, what are you so unnecessarily bragging for?"

"So, Haania. I'm sorry..." he trailed off. "I'm so sorry."

"Aahil, what are you talking about?"

"I didn't want to be in this position, but i am. And i want to tell you that with all the stress going on in your life, you need to seek a therapist. Seriously. And i don't mean this in a neg--"

She cut him off. "I know. I have been thinking the same. That i need to--"

"You have?" he asked, not sure what he heard.

"Yes. I am."

"Are you sure you're saying you need to seek a therapist?"

"Positive."

He felt relieved. "Please don't just think, do it. I want you to--"

"You want me to be normal again? I know." She sighed.  "You know, Aahil. I didn't want to be like this, i didn't want to be the person that i am. Seriously. Sometimes i feel so pathetic, wondering about others' image of mine. This makes me feel like a patient. So so bad. I don't like who i am." Tears had started welling up in her eyes and now they were freely flowing down towards her cheeks, one drop passing the corner of her lips.

"But i do. I know who you are, and i know it's not your fault if there's something that makes you regret being yourself. You're beautiful. Inside out. You are."

"You're so nice..."

"So deal?"

"Deal. I'm going to talk to Mum today, and i'll tell you. I really need to seek professional help."

And she did. There were these tantrums everyday, and very spontaneous, almost very regular. And no matter how much love there is, sometimes it's just not supposed to help you move on from your past experiences.

There's a lesson you learn everyday, from every person, and here's what Haania learned: Love is not supposed to be the only healer. Sometimes there are things especially designed to help human brain, and love is just one of the many collectively.

Aahil learned the same through Haania as she grew everyday, stronger, more beautiful, and more loving.