35) The Meet-Up

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Today, I was meeting up with Steven

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Today, I was meeting up with Steven. It was a little nerve-wracking, but a part of me was excited. We'd been talking for some time now, so it only made sense to meet up.

"Where're you headed?" Gyan asked as I gathered my things while he sat on the couch.

I hesitated, hating what I had to do. "I'm meeting up with Kenji," I lied. "We haven't hung out in a while."

"Right," Gyan said. "Haven't seen Darian in a minute either."

It was like they were back in the honeymoon phase. They wanted to spend every minute together. It made sense. They almost lost each other and what they had. Gyan and I being apart for five years made those feelings of passion return, too. You really didn't know what you had until it was gone.

"Oh, and I'm proud of you," I told him. "You got the whole Arush situation figured out."

It was a relief to know that Arush wasn't blackmailing him anymore. He was even trying to pay the money back. 

"It was all Nila," Gyan said. "She was the one who put that little bitch in his place."

I didn't know how Nila did it, but I was glad she did. Gyan's sister was always a badass. She was an inspiration to little girls, showing them that you could have it all and be a strong woman.

"I'm proud of you for reaching out to her," I said. "That took guts." I was silent for a couple seconds. "Did you tell her about what Arush had on you?"

"Hell no." The certainty in his voice stung. "I know I have to come out to my dad. It's the only way to call off this wedding, but I'm not ready. If I can't tell Nila, how much more him?"

I was trying to be there for Gyan, but it wasn't easy. Being with someone who was in the closet was hard. You couldn't force them to come out, but at the same time, it hurt knowing you were some dirty little secret. You had to be cautious of everything you did so to not expose them. It was like you were in a relationship no one knew about. We knew and that should have been all that mattered, but it was invalidating sometimes to keep it hidden from everyone.

He sent me a sad smile. "I know that's not what you want to hear, but that's how it is for now."

"I'm just glad you're not sleeping with Anushka anymore," I said to lighten the mood, and he playfully rolled his eyes.

"Being inside a vagina isn't too bad," he said, taking me off guard. "If lesbians can enjoy dildos, which simulate a penis, why can't gay men enjoy a sex toy that simulates a vagina?"

I never thought about it like that. "I guess that makes sense. As long as it isn't attached to an actual woman, it's just a toy, just like dildos."

"Exactly," Gyan agreed. "Maybe for your birthday I can find something like that for you. You've never been with a girl, right?"

"No," I said, "but it's not like I'm missing out."

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