all the world's a stage // prinxiety ✔

♡ 53 - hadestown won best musical ♡

(a/n: this chapter has nothing to do with hadestown im just so happy it won. ALSO sorry for being the aCtual worst at updating.)

Virgil would typically belt his heart out to The Games I Play eight shows a week, but today was a different case.

He had lost his voice so he was making a tea with honey in the dressing room. (Just kidding. Of course Roman insisted on making the tea with honey for him.)

He could have been at his apartment, but he silently cheered Roman on between costume changes, and he wanted to be at stage door to sign his fans' playbills.

He could hear everything going on and grinned whenever he heard Roman sing, as usual, though he didn't have to hide it today.

He slumped down in Roman's chair in front of the vanity. The mirror was decked out in gold lining and stars his boyfriend had done on his own and Polaroids of the actor as a baby with an older man, him with friends including Remy and Remy's band, and him with Virgil shyly looking away from the camera.

Virgil made the assumption that the older man holding Roman with a loving, soft smile was Roman's father.

While he took another sip of tea, Roman burst into the room, took a minute to change into a suit, and shoved a yarmulke into his back pocket. Virgil watched the whole time in silence.

"I'm hot, I get it, Virge," Roman joked with a playful smirk.

"Fuck you," Virgil whispered as loudly as he could before taking another sip of tea.

Roman bent over and kissed his younger boyfriend, who forgot he was holding a cup of piping hot tea and nearly spilled it all over the hardwood floor before realizing.

"This is a great song to set the mood," Virgil whispered, trying not to laugh, knowing it would hurt.

Roman stopped to listen to hear Virgil's standby as Whizzer singing You Gotta Die Sometime. He laughed quietly and held Virgil in his arms sweetly until the song was nearing an end and Roman had to go on soon. He kissed Virgil's cheek goodbye and left.

Butterflies.

Roman wouldn't hurt him. Roman wouldn't hurt a butterfly, he was so sure of it.

However, Virgil being Virgil had to contemplate whether their relationship would eventually go downhill or not.

♡

Roman was a rebound and he knew it. Why wouldn't he be? Why would anyone as perfect as Virgil Cassidy love him back?

When has anybody loved him back?

He had to focus again as he walked onstage for Jason's Bar Mitzvah.

Everything will be alright.

♡

(a/n: i always hc virgil typing in all lowercase but i was just writing logan texting in a different unpublished fic so it carried over and it wasn't until i finished when i realized so oOPS)

Virgil's mind drifted to Declan, but it wasn't like before. It used to be fluffy memories and things that could have happened, sprinkled with heartbreaking arguments.

Now, it was just...

He wrote it down in the notes app on his phone.

I remember your coffin.

I'm sure I wanted you gone, but not like this.

I don't know where you'll end up, if the afterlife does exist, but wherever you are, please recover. I know that you can change, and I can't help anymore, so if there's a therapist or something up or down there, talk to them?

You were awful to me, but to be fair, I was frustrating and I kinda deserved it.

Virgil stopped typing abruptly, then deleted the last sentence.

You were awful to me, and though you had a reason, and you're not here to hurt me even more, it still hurts. But I know now I'm not perfect and I never will be. You were a learning experience, Declan, and I don't forgive you... I'm not sure if I ever will, but I can appreciate what you gave me.

Patton misses you a lot too. I think he's struggling the most and I wish I could help him better but I always feel like I have to know everything but I don't know anything right now. Patton has Logan, but he should have me stepping up to be a better friend to support him.

On top of that, Roman feels like he has to make me feel better all the time, and that's really sweet of him, but he isn't taking care of himself and I don't know how to get him to. I can tell he wants to talk about his family more but he puts me before him all the time because I'm 19.

That's kind of a good thing, I guess, but I think he thinks he has to carry the whole relationship because he's older than me. I think it should be equal, but I don't know how to weigh it out. I'm so new to a relationship with a guy as sweet and kind as Roman, even though he can be a cocky little son of a bitch (who owns my heart) sometimes.

I'm not going to make the same mistake with him as I did with you, Declan. You hurt me, but I can't let what you did cause me to hurt others, especially not Roman. Especially not Patton, who's like Roman in the sense that he tries to hide all his sadness until it spills over.

That's happened before when you were gone, you know. It was scary. Patton got pissed and I realize I've been shit to everyone after you died. I can't help it. Actually, I'm not sure if I can help it. I never realized what I did and it sucks.

I used to imagine you as the boyfriend I wished you kept on being. Cuddly and fun and all that shit. Now you're gone. Like, yeah, you're already gone, but in my head, you weren't.

But now you are.

I can vaguely see the scar on your cheek and that smirk whenever you made me blush.

I need to let go.

I need to let go, but I also need to give myself time but I don't know how long that'll take.

God, why am I 19? Why did this have to happen now? Why am I growing up so fast? It feels like it's been 10 years since I moved from Maine to New York.

Like, everything between my emo phase and leaving Maine is a blur.

I need to let you go.

You remind me of a snake sometimes. I fucking love snakes. I think they're sick. Sometimes the tiny ones with big shiny eyes wear cute hats and curl around your finger. But sometimes they try to kill you, which isn't... remotely good? (This was a dumb metaphor, oh my fucking God.)

That's what I think of when I think of you now. It's weird, I dunno.

I need to let you go.

So Declan, wherever you are if you are anywhere but underground, we'll meet again in a few decades. I never have high hopes, but getting to play my dream role on a Broadway stage has changed my life. When we meet again, I hope you're all better. I hope we can be friends. Maybe. Or maybe it'll be too awkward lmao?

Not sure.

I don't know how to end this, because I'm typing it on my phone so it's not like anyone is gonna see it but I don't want to say "I love you, bye" because that's not... true anymore, but I want to stay classy. I was thinking "Time to Whizzer Brown outta here because Roman's driving me home after the show tonight" but that felt bad because—

Well, you know. You were in the show.

So I'll just go with:

Bye.