Chapter One

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'Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside of us while we live.' - Norman Cousins.


"Ali! Tell Gabriel he needs to pick up Lilly from school on Thursday. Tell him to use his car I think it's going to rain." Tía shouts from the living room. I sigh as I put my bag on my shoulders. I love Tía but I wanted to slip away unnoticed.

"It's Seattle Tía. It's always raining." I say as I check I have my keys in my pocket. I hear her kitten heels click on the floor as she walks to me. I look down and she leans on the door next to me.

"Alice. I know it's been hard since Adrian passed but you still have a family. We still care." She says softly as she pushes back my hood, pulling my dark brown curls out so she can play with them. "You used to never be in your room, now you never leave unless it's to go to work." She sighs as she strokes my cheek.

"I have to go Tía; I have to open tonight." I say, keeping my eyes away from hers. I hate our family for having such strong genes for our eyes. We all have such similar eyes you can hardly tell the difference. Since Adrian died, I can't even look in the mirror half of the time; I feel like I am looking into his eyes when looking into mine; it doesn't help that my eyes are always sad, I hated when he was sad.

"Okay Alice." Tía says understandingly. She knows that work has kept me grounded. I admit it is my biggest cause of stress but it keeps Adrian alive in a way I can cope with. "Remember Gabriel." She says as she pushes off of the door so I can leave.

"Yes Tía." I mumble as I step out of the door. She closes the door behind me and I tuck my curls back into my hood as I put it back over my head. I put my hands in my pockets and begin walking to the bar.

I love the Seattle rain. I love how rain smells. It just gives me the sense that things are always being washed away. I love when it rains and little rivers form off of the edge of the sidewalk because leaves are often washed down along them. It just adds to the thought that the rain washes things away; maybe if it rains hard enough it will wash away the sadness.

"Alice, there you are; can you hurry up I need the toilet." Gabriel says as I turn the corner, the purple neon lights making me feel comforted. Adrian chose those lights because he knows purple is my favorite color.

"Okay." I say as I pull out the keys from my pocket and I open the side door. "Tía wants me to tell you that you're picking up Lilly from school on Thursday and you should use your car since she thinks it's going to rain." I say as we walk in.

"It's Seattle, it's always raining." He says as he quickly walks to the back. I roll up the security shutters and open the sliding doors. I flip the switch for the rest of the lights inside and I put my things in the back room.

"That's what I said." I say with a shrug as he comes back, drying his hands on his jeans. "Are you free?" I ask slightly nervously, Gabriel has no obligation to my family but he was Adrian's best friend, he said he would be there for us.

"Of course, Niña, I promised your family and I keep my promises." He says as he leans on the bar. I make eye contact for the first time today as I look into his eyes. He has such light green eyes; it makes the natural tan stand out, making him naturally irresistible to most of the women who come here. Apart from me; he was always like a brother to me.

"Thank you, Gabriel." I say, smiling softly. "Can you just check the tables over there and tell me if they need some more cleaning before setting up?" I ask as I check the glasses are clean.

"You got it boss." He says with a wide smile. Gabriel and his band do live music almost every night, if not his band mate Peter DJ's. I make sure the bar is spotless before checking the tables then I do inventory as he sets up the stage.

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