Chapter Sixteen

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'Let the rain sing you a lullaby.' - Langston Hughes

The car journey is long and surprisingly hot. As I pass back the snacks I am in charge of handing out, I feel the temperature if anything gets hotter at the back. Gabriel's car is the only one that holds all of us and Roary so he is driving first. I sit next to him in the passenger side as I am in charge of music for now.

"Jesus Gabriel, does the AC not work or something?" Axel asks. 

"Hey, you get a car before you hate on mine okay?" He asks, glaring in the mirror at Axel who just rolls his eyes.

"Don't forget he has to get a licence too." I say, teasing him, making the rest of the boys laugh. Gabriel gives me a high five and merges onto the main road we will be following for a while, rolling down the windows a little.

"How long is this ride again?" Santino asks.

"Like five hours." I say before sipping some water. "Depends who's driving." I say, making Gabriel roll his eyes. I giggle and connect my phone to the car, playing songs to keep the mood light, happy. I have a plan of how I want this trip to go for my boys. I want them to be as happy as possible, excited; then when the time is right, we will open up, acknowledge our grief and our sadness, and come back a little raw but a little more healed. Hopefully this plan works out.

We all sing to the music, dancing if we can. Roary even howls from his crate at the back, making us all laugh. This is going to be a good trip, it has to be, I love my boys and want them to feel better.

After about an hour and a half we stop to get more drinks and get more gas. I go into the convenience store to get the drinks and I also decide to get ice pops to help cool everyone down, remembering to get blue because that is always the best flavor.

"Thank you." Gabriel says from next to me, surprising me.

"Oh, no problem." I say awkwardly as I shake off the fright. "For what?" I ask as I put the ice pops in the basket.

"For making this trip happy." He says. "I don't like being sad, this is a great distraction." He explains.

"It's not a distraction Gabriel." I tell him. "We are going to enjoy this now, sure, but we are going to talk properly when we are there." I say, being completely honest.

"I know." He says with a sigh. "At least for now though, you know?" He asks. I smile and nod, leading us to the cash register. We pay and after handing out the ice pops we get back on the road, using the music as background noise to our funny stories and jokes. It reminds me of old days, somehow the jokes are even dirtier without my brother. Which is something I am truly shocked by.

We get to the ferry and we stretch, shaking off crumbs and getting rid of trash. We let Roary out for a little bit to tire himself out, Gabriel watches me cuddle him with a hint of sadness in his eyes so I let the others play with him as I go over and hug him.

"You okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, can you take over driving now? I think I need to sleep." He asks.

"Sure." I say. "I'll wake you when we are there." I say quietly. He holds me tighter and kisses the top of my head.

"Thanks." He mumbles.

Driving is fun, but I tend to glance in the mirror a lot, watching as Gabriel tries and fails to sleep at the back. His eyes are bloodshot and he honestly looks exhausted. Even with all of the energy drinks he has had. I sigh and try to look less, not only is it safer but it will be nicer to try and stay happy for the others.

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