hard | daniel seavey

chapter fourteen

   I couldn't shake the guilty feeling I was having, even when I walked into Daniel's room. He sat at the piano, playing away and too lost in his own world to realized I walked in. When he did, he asked if I wanted to practice. I declined, saying that I needed to study. I couldn't bare to be near him without feeling even more guilty. He continued to play and left me to it.

   The textbook sat in my lap, but the words didn't make any sense. They seemed to go in one ear and out the ear. A migraine was starting to form, making me close the book and tossing it onto the floor, causing a loud thud. Daniel jumped and the rhythm he was playing was cut.

    "Sorry," I sighed as the headache started to grow. Daniel came over to me, crawling in between my legs and laying his head on my stomach.

     "You okay? You haven't talked much since you got home." Daniel asked and lifted his chin to look at me. My fingers found their way to his hair, playing with the ends of it.

    "I went to Aaron's." I confessed, the guilt in me bursting. Daniel's face dropped and he sat up.

     "Okay," He said quietly. "Did it feel any different? Like are you sure about your feelings now that you saw him again?" I sat quietly, giving away my answer. I wasn't sure where my feelings were. Aaron held a large part of my heart, even if I wasn't happy with him. But Daniel's spot was growing more and more with each day. He stood from the bed, his back now facing me. "I think I'm gonna go sleep on the couch tonight."

   "No, Daniel. Please wait," I pleaded and stepped in front of him, trying to stop him. "I'm sorry. We were together for 3 years. It's not gonna be easy to stop myself from feeling something when I'm with him."

    He didn't look at me, but I could still see his now gloss coated eyes. Daniel shook his head and stepped past me. He went to open the door, but stopped. With his body slightly turnt, he spoke up, "I just thought after spending so much time with me it would become easier."

   Daniel closed the door behind him, leaving me by myself. Tears slipt from my eyes as I stood there, hoping he'd come back in. But when he didn't, I knew he wouldn't for the rest of the night.

    I laid on his side of the bed with the hope that it would be the same as him here with me. But it wasn't. The bed was cold without him. I desperately wanted to go out there and tell him to come back to bed, but I knew he was upset with me. It felt like no matter what I did, no one would understand where I'm coming from. And I continuously messed things up with my actions. And this time, it costed one of the last good things in my life.