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Chapter Fortyseven Chris Brown Los Angeles Psychiatry - Two Months Later, February 22nd
"Why do you think you're incapable of loving someone Chris?" My psychiatrist asked.
Today was my third session and it hasn't been easy being open with a stranger but it has to be to done. Especially if I want to get Mya back. Once her lease was up, she left. And it took every being in my body to not do everything in my power to keep her in LA. I want her to be happy and if being in Miami is what she needs then I'll deal with it. Everybody knew where she lived so I bought her a house in a gated community. Nia wasn't too happy about that but she'll be alright. Her new baby daddy can buy her a crib.
But back to this counseling session.
"Um." My hands ran down my jeans. "Because I feel like every one that claims to love me, is doing it to gain something for themselves. It's never genuine, it's never 100%, and me not liking to be lonely just accepts it so that I can have someone around."
"But you mentioned that Mya didn't want anything from you. How did that go wrong?"
"Not knowing how to control my urges. I know this isn't a good excuse either but I was under substances the night I cheated on her."
"Have you been with anyone else since then?"
"No and that's very rare for me but even if the thought of it happening pops in my head Mya finding out over powers my thoughts. I don't want to ruin any chances of us getting back together."
"How's Mya?"
"She seems happier now that she's back in Miami, that's where she's originally from. It kind of bothers me that her being away from me makes her happier and it's just kind of proves that I'm like bad luck to her."
"Your decisions were the problem Chris. You're used to living wild and free with no limitations. And everyone enabling you instead of trying to keep you on the right path that's why when someone tells you that you're wrong, especially people that have been your yes men for so long, you become extremely defensive. In your mind you're incapable of doing wrong. You're Chris Brown, an international superstar, only 30 years young but has the the world in his hand. You think you are invincible even after all your mishaps. You got into the public eye as a child, a growing teenager and even though everyone pretends to hate you we still feel like we have this duty to protect you and Chris because of that you're stuck with the mentality that no matter what you do you know eventually you'll be forgiven. But then here comes Mya. You cheated back in October, it is now February almost March and she didn't come back...she actually distanced herself even further. And I can tell you don't know how to process that. I see the pain and confusion all in your eyes. You want to accept this but it's extremely hard, isn't it?"
