𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭 ⇀ 𝖽𝖼 (editing)

↳thirty-three↴

(RECOMMENDATION: The Last One I Made by Pim Stones [on repeat if necessary])

THE SOUND of the shot rang in my ears, dulling everything else around me. My eyes were screwed shut as I couldn't look at the scene that presented itself in front of me.

"Brynn," A raspy voice said and my eyes shot open as I knew it was Lex. I look down at him, his abdomen oozing blood and his face going pale.

I turn slightly, only to hear, "Brynn, don't," from Marcus, his voice in a whisper because he knew what I was going to do. He knew I was going to go to Lex and risk being the next person shot.

But I couldn't let him bleed out. I couldn't have him die because I just stood there.

Chico's father, El Alma del Diablo, stood a couple of feet from us, nonchalant as we all stood in front of him, looking like a bunch of scared teenagers with knowledge of what to do. We were vulnerable in his eyes and we couldn't convince him otherwise.

I move again, despite the gun that was held out to us, but Marcus quickly grabbed my arm. I turn and meet his eyes, which was coated with fear and worry. I wasn't sure if it was for me or the fact that he's still holding Chico's head in his other arm.

"Brynn, please," He begged, and I wanted to listen to him and the voice in my head screaming not to move- to stay my ass where I was.

But I couldn't. I just couldn't.

"I'm sorry, I can't let him die." I remove myself from his grip and slowly bent down to Lex, my heart on a never ending rhythm as I sense the gun now pointed to me.

I was about to reach over to Lex, but I stood frozen midway and shut my eyes. Fear suddenly took over as I was too afraid to open my eyes and see the gun that was pointed at my head, it's barrel touching the temple of my skull.

"Please," Was all I could whimper, but it came out incoherently into a stammer.

"Brynn.." I hear and I shook my head, my body shaking in fear. I couldn't look at who was about to be my killer and that made me a hypocrite. I killed people and made them see me as the last person they see before they die, but I couldn't do it when my life was on the line.

"Let her go," El Diablo told his minion and slowly the gun was removed from my face, making me feel like I could breathe.

I let out a shaky breath, but I was startled when I felt Lex's hand touch mine. I open my eyes, tears involuntarily sliding down my cheeks as I suppress a sob, "You're going to be okay."

"I jinxed myself," He dryly laughed, blooding leaking down the side of his abdomen and on the pavement, "I fucking jinxed myself."

Quickly, I take off my sweater and hold it over his wound, "We need to call a doctor," I state, looking at El Diablo and his crew, "He needs medical attention!" They just stared at me and I shook my head lowly, before looking at Lex, "We're going to get you out of here, Lex. The doctors are going to stop the bleeding and get you all stitched up. You'll be looking brand new."

"Brynn-"

"And you can show off to Billy and to girls, showing them your battle scar." I whimper, my voice choking with each word because I knew his fate. No doctor was coming and nobody would move to call one. We couldn't call anyone anyways because we're all wanted criminals- even El Diablo and his goons. I bat away my tears, glancing down at my stained sweater, watching blood seep through and stain my hands, "You're going to be okay, Lex."

"I'm dying, Brynn."

"No," I defend, refusing to acknowledge the hard truth that was forcing itself down my throat. I didn't want to believe it. I press down on his wound, "You're not dying on me, Lex, alright? We're going to get through this- you and me, okay?"

I look at him, watching him weakly nod, "I'm scared, Brynn."

My lip trembles at his words because I was too. I was scared to watch his face go pale and his body shiver with chill. I was afraid to have him die in my arms. I press my lips together, my eyes getting blurry with tears, so I look around, watching them all look at me as if this were a play and Lex and I were the main characters. I clench my jaw, "Somebody go get help!"

Marcus sneakers scrapped against the pavement, "Please, let us just call-"

"No," He dismissed, the gun cocking again, "I want you to feel how I feel. I want you to know that you lost someone that you care about and you could never get them back- just like me. I want you to watch him suffer."

That's when I cried. I let out an aching cry as I applied more pressure to Lex's stomach, his body shaking uncontrollably- or my hands. I could no longer tell the difference.

"Brynn." I met Lex's eyes again, afraid that in seconds it would be the last time I see them again. I teeth chatter against each other and my heart swells with pain as he blood slowly drips from his mouth, "I want you to do something for me."

I instinctively nod, my tears dropping on his bloodied shirt, "Anything."

"I want.." He paused, his voice weak as he began coughing up a little blood, "I want you to not be afraid, okay?" Despite feeling like he was reading my mind, I nod again, my heading shaking rapidly as he continued, "And I want you to kill these sons of bitches when this over. Promise me?"

I nod again, "I will. I fucking promise you I will."

He smiled briefly before he coughs again, so I applied more pressure, looking down at my hands that were coated in his blood. My breathing hitched as my memories surface- my mother and sister laying dead on the ground with blood surrounding them and me. My body was covered in blood that wasn't my own as I dragged my father's limp body out of the kitchen and into the living room, inches away from my mother and sister. Tears streamed down my face as I stared at their motionless body's and the house filled itself with my cries.

"Brynn," He called me again, his voice in a whisper as I looked at him, a small smile on his face, "I want you to know that- that I love you."

I screw my eyes shut to stop more tears from welling in my eyes before opening them again and gripping his hand, "I love you too, Lex...I love you too."

My heart crumbled piece by piece as I sat beside him, watching his smile fade slowly and his eyes slip shut. His grip on my hand loosen, now laying limp in my hands before I sat in shock. My lip and hands tremble as I release a sudden cry that held itself in my lungs. My eyes shut close as tears stream down my face before I grabbed his face and pull him close to me. I rest my head in the crook of his neck and sob, placing my hands on his back to pull him to me tightly.

My chest heaves and I sob harder when I did feel anything but his dead body weigh on my legs. I did this before. I've been through this before and it still fucking sucks.

I remember doing this to my mom. I placed my bloodied hands on the sides of her face, crying at her to wake up, soon choking up on my words when she didn't respond. I remember pulling my sister in my arms, having her sitting on my lap as the back of her head still bled. One of my arms wrapped around her neck and the other was wrapped around her small waist as I cried my eyes out. I remember getting mad at my dead father. I remember stabbing his body, not caring that it wasn't moving anymore as I filled myself with rage.

I remember. I remember it all and it sucked. All of it just fucking sucked.

•

I would just like everyone to know that I cried while writing this