Back To The Start (One Tree Hill)

Chapter 15

Brooke's POV

Time had passed quickly. After we got home, I had made dinner for the two of us, and now we sat together on the couch, a bowl of potato chips on our lap, watching a movie. I looked at Julian. He had been very tense all evening and I wondered what was on his mind. I had promised Haley to talk to Julian about the issue that I couldn't have children, even though I didn't want to. But I knew it was important. The day on set and the meeting with Justin had made me painfully aware just how much I wanted a baby. I leaned against Julian's shoulder. "Do you still remember the day when you found out that I had the miscarriage?" I began hesitantly. He stopped eating his chips and looked at me from the side.

"Yes, why?"

"I wasn't completely honest with you back then," I confessed and waited for his response. He put the bowl back on the table and turned to face me.

"What do you mean by that?"

I closed my eyes because I couldn't stand his scrutinizing, questioning look. "The doctor in the hospital didn't only tell me that I had a miscarriage, he also told me that I can't have any more children," I said hurriedly. Keeping my eyes still shut, I couldn't see his reaction. But I also couldn't hear anything anymore, not even his breath. "Julian, please say something!" I begged and opened my eyes. He sat motionless, staring into blank space. "Julian?" I touched his arm gently, and slowly life came back to him.

"You knew that all the time and didn't tell me?" He asked in disbelief.

"I... I just didn't know how." I wrung my hands desperately. "You had just learned about the miscarriage. I didn't want to add this to your pain by telling you that you can never become a father." He suddenly jumped up and paced nervously up and down in front of me as he kept ruffling his hair. My stomach clenched. Was it too late? Did I lose him for good now? "If you had known before," I said softly. "I mean before you asked me to become your wife, would you have married me?"

He froze in his motion and gazed at me with a stunned look on his face.

"I love you, Brooke! And nothing, absolutely nothing in this world could have stopped me from marrying you!" he vowed.

"But... but what is it then?" As he sat down next to me and took my hands in his, I suddenly felt nervous. What was he going to tell me now?

"I wasn't completely honest either," he said reluctantly and took a deep breath "You remember Chelsea? You met her on set today. We were a couple back then. We met on my father's set in Los Angeles shortly after I had returned from Tree Hill," he confessed.

I saw them both in my mind's eye, and suddenly the image of a little boy with chestnut-colored curls and brown eyes came into my sight, and suddenly I knew what he was trying to tell me. "You are Justin's father!" I exclaimed in a flat voice, looking into his eyes to find the answer. "Am I right?"

He nodded. "Yes," he said in a low voice. "But I didn't know until today, when she brought him to the set."

"And what are you going to do now?" My voice was surprisingly steady, for that my world had just fallen apart. I had been wrong when I said that Julian could never become a father. He already was a father.

"I don't know," he said shrugging. "Now that I know I have a son, I would also like to be there for him. I've already missed the first four years of his life."

What am I doing here anyway? I asked myself. Julian had his little family. If he would get in contact with Justin, he would soon fall in love with Chelsea again. I suddenly felt like the fifth wheel. "I... need fresh air," I said and jumped up. Quickly I reached for the car keys and ran to the door.

"Where are you going? Brooke! You can't leave. It's already dark and it's storming and raining outside!"

I could hear what he said, and I also knew that it was stupid to drive through the area in stormy and rainy weather. But I had to do something to clear my head. I got in the car and drove off. But I quickly realized that I had underestimated the storm. It was not long before the gushing rain made the roads muddy and slippery and impassable. The view was already limited because the windshield wipers couldn't manage to get rid of that amount of water. I drove almost blindly, and was beginning to worry that I wouldn't find my way home. When I saw the tree lying in front of me on the road, it was almost too late to get around it. Reflexively, I jerked the steering wheel around and realized that I couldn't stop the car anymore. Helpless and in panic, I clung to the steering wheel, while the car skidded and spun uncontrolled and finally toppled over to the side and came to a stop in a ditch...