Can't Run From You

Chapter 19

When I woke up the next morning I couldn't help but smile. I felt like everything for once was great. I felt like I was finally able to be myself. Whoever that is. I laid in bed for a good 20 minutes or so just staring at the ceiling, replaying last night's events in my head. I leaned over to my nightstand and grabbed my phone. The happiness I was feeling dissolved as soon as I opened my phone and saw all the texts from Will. My phone had died last night and I didn't realize until I was going to sleep and plugging my phone in. I looked at my phone and read through the messages.

Hey babe how's it going? 8:15

Hey I know you're with Eli but text me back love you 8:30

Thea where are you I'm getting worried? Joseph said you guys left a while ago 9:12

Okay well hope you're okay love you text me when you can 9:57

I looked back up at the ceiling and felt my heart sink into my body. It was finally hitting me. Not only the fact that I didn't love him, that I cheated on him, but all of it. All the emotions that I had been burying, been trying to push down, trying to not feel they were all coming out. I felt like my whole body was being weighed down. The weight was soon replaced by nervous and anxious energy. I felt like if I didn't get up right now I would implode. Its only 9 in the morning but I didn't care, I got up brushed my teeth, put on work out clothes and ran out the front door to my car.

I went straight to the high school and got down. I put in my air pods and started running. Lap after lap, as fast as I could go. As I came around for my seventh lap I could feel my lungs and my legs burning. I kept thinking about Eli, and Will. I couldn't leave Will, I can't. He's my best friend. He has always been there for me no matter what. Starting lap eight. When I'm with him I just feel guilty. I feel like he deserves so much better. Because he does. He deserves the best. As soon as I finished my eighth lap I fell on the ground. The music was still blaring in my ears. I thought if I had it loud enough it would drown out my thoughts, it didn't, and now I just wanted silence. I took out my Airpods and threw them across the track. I laid in on the track even though it burned my bare skin. I switched my thoughts to Eli.

She was so electric, and magnetic. She pushed me out of my comfort zone, made me try harder, made me run faster. She made me work for her. She made me feel like everything was going to be okay. I can't have her though. She can't be mine. It would kill Will. My parents would disown me. I'm so monumentally fucked. I looked up at the sky and wished everything could just be easy. I wished I could just have Eli and be happy. After a couple more minutes of contemplating I realized that there was no way I was going to figure this out today. I got up, found my Airpods and ran another two miles. I couldn't get out of my head. I just kept running, lap after lap.

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When I finally finished running it was already 11 something. I started walking back to my car when I felt my phone start buzzing. I looked down and saw that it was Molly. I didn't want to answer but I did anyways.

"Hello?" I asked

"Hey where are you?"

"The high school. I was running."

"Are you okay? You don't sound okay."

"Not really. Can I come over?" I was already starting my car when I asked.

"Yeah come over. I'll see you in a little bit. Drive safe."

I drove to her house with no music on. I drove in silence, trying to figure out my thoughts. My feelings. When I came to a stop light I realized I hadn't checked my messages or snap since this morning. When I looked at it I saw that I had a bunch of texts from Will and a couple from Eli. I didn't read them, I just put my phone on do not disturb and kept driving to Molly's. When I got there Molly met me at the front door. I didn't say anything, I felt like my brain wasn't working. Like it wasn't functioning whatsoever. We walked into her room and sat on her bed.

"So what happened?" she asked staring at me.

"I cheated on my boyfriend. I've been cheating on my boyfriend. And not with another guy, but with a girl. A girl who makes me feel more than I ever have with anyone else." I just stared at the floor.

"Have you ever thought of just breaking up with Will?" she asked it so calmly. It made me mad.

"I can't hurt him like that. And even more so I can't date a girl. You've met my parents." I could hear my phone buzzing and buzzing. Molly just shook her head a bit and grabbed it off the bed.

"You have a ton of messages from Will and some from Eli. Have you not talked to either of them?" she asked. I just shook my head no.

"Okay well you better text them back because they're both wondering where the hell you are. Eli's words not mine." She put her hands in the air when she said the last part.

"Fine." I motioned my hand for her to give me the phone. She gave it to me and I looked through the messages. Will was freaking out wondering where I was. He had text me about 20 times in the last half hour.

"Hey babe my phone died last night I'm sorry. I'm cramping though so I'll talk to you later." I was playing the period card but I didn't care. He text back a second later saying

"It's okay. I'm sorry for all the texts. Love you, text me later. I can bring you ice cream or something. Whatever you want. Get some rest love you." I didn't text back. I just switched over to the messages from Eli. She had only text me about four times. One was from last night and it just said

"I had fun tonight ;)" the second ones were from this morning. The first one said

"Morning babe" the second one said

"So, Will text me asking where you've been, you should probably text him back." At this I started to freak out a bit. The last one said

"Where the hell are you?" I was freaking out now.  I showed Molly the text and she gave me a confused look.

"Why the hell would he text her." I screamed

"He was just worried about you. Its' fine. I know she didn't tell him anything." She was being reasonable but in my head all reason had gone out the window.

"What the hell am I going to do Mol?" I was screaming.

"Thea you don't love him. That should be more than enough reason to break up with him. As for the whole Eli thing, I don't know." She was looking straight at me. Now I was angry.

"I can't break up with him Molly! It would destroy him, and I don't even know who I am without him. For as long as I can remember I've been Will's girlfriend. I don't know who to be if I'm not with him." I screamed. Until I said it I never realized just how much I identified myself as just his girlfriend. By now I was crying. I hate how much I've been crying, but everything just seems to hurt so damn much that I couldn't keep it in. When I was with Eli I was just so damn happy. I didn't worry about anything.

"Thea, your relationship with him doesn't define who you are. And if you do like Eli then so be it. If you are, gay then who cares. How you feel is the most important thing. You're not happy, not when you're with him, but when you're with her, you change. She makes you happy. I saw you guys at the meet." She gave me a sympathetic head tilt. She was right. I can't keep going on like this. Something has to change.