Can't Run From You

Chapter 21

Eli's POV

Thea has been avoiding me since our date. In class as soon as I sat down I turned around to look at her hoping she would tell me what was going on, but she didn't. She just got up and walked away. I don't know where she went. I just sat in class and wondered what I did wrong. During track we made eye contact once and then for the rest of practice she wouldn't look at me. Now coach wants us to take an ice bath. She still hasn't looked at me, I just walked to the field house. When I got in there I started asking the trainer about some exercises for my ankle because it's been hurting like a mother lately. The trainer said to do the ABC's with it. After she said that she turned around to see who was coming in. It was Thea. The trainer just looked at her and said

"Okay well I have to go help one of the boys with his ankle, he rolled it during practice so I'll be back when you're done. Towels are on the table." After the trainer left I took my clothes off and got in the tub. The water was cold but I liked it. It made me focus on only the cold and not on whatever it is that's going on with me and Thea. After a few minutes of sitting in silence I couldn't take it anymore so I finally spoke.

"So, are we going to talk about it?" I didn't look at her. I stared at the end of the tub. I knew this conversation was going to come. I just hoped it would have waited a little while longer to happen. When she didn't answer I got out of my tub and walked over to hers and got in. She wouldn't look at me. It hurt more than I thought it would. I moved her chin to look at me.

"Thea?" I needed her to say something.

"I'm sorry." As soon as she said it I knew. I knew exactly how this was going to end. I expected it. I knew it was coming. I knew it was inevitable, but that didn't stop it from hurting.

"Thea talk to me." I was begging her now.

"We can't do this." Her voice barely came out.

"Can't do what?" I needed her to say it. I needed her to say all the words I needed to hear. Because maybe if she said them I would stop feeling all the feelings I'm feeling.

"We can't be together. We can't mess around. You can't be mine." I scooted in closer. I wanted to feel her.

"Why not?" I knew why but I needed to ask.

"Because I'm with Will. I have a boyfriend." There it was. I knew she was going to say that, but hearing her say it made me feel like the water was crushing me.

"You don't love him." I said it as calmly as I could.

"I can't make this choice." Me or Will. Me or her parents. Me or the life she's always known. I knew what she was going through, but I want to be selfish. I want her.

"Yes, you can. You can choose me." My voice came out in a way that I'd never heard it sound before. I leaned in and kissed her. I hoped that maybe she could feel just how much I wanted her, but she pushed me back.

"No Eli. I can't. I can't do this. I'm not gay." That word made me hate the world. It made me hate everything. It made me angry.

"What does it matter. You want me, and I want you. I want you."

"I can't have you." I felt a tear run down my cheek. I couldn't do this anymore. I got out of the tub, grabbed my things and walked to the door. I wanted to turn around. I did, but instead I walked out. I was wet and my legs felt like they would give out on me at any moment but I kept walking. When I got to the jeep I closed the door and turned the music up as loud as it would go. I screamed. I felt like I was going to implode. I needed to talk to someone. I needed someone to understand. I don't have anyone here though. I don't have Dakota I don't have anyone. Against all my better judgements I called Lucy. She answered on the second ring.

"Hey Eli?" She said it as more of a question. Like she didn't understand why I was calling.

"Hey are you busy?" My voice still sounded broken. She could tell because she said

"Come over. I'll send you my address." Within ten minutes I was already at her house. When I got off the car I knocked on the door. Lucy opened the door within a couple seconds. Her blonde hair was pulled into a bun and she had on Nike shorts and a t-shirt. As soon as she saw me she gave me a look. I looked down and realized I was still wet and my clothes were dripping.

"I'll get you some clothes come on in." she said. After I changed and got out of my wet clothes we went back to Lucy's room.

"So, what the hell happened?" she asked as I sat on the floor in front of her bed. I had my knees at my chest and my head was resting on my knees. As I went through the whole story I felt like I was reliving it all again.

"I'm sorry Eli. I know you liked her a lot." She said when I was done. Before I could say anything, Lucy's phone started ringing. She looked at it and asked if it was okay to take the call. I just shrugged and then laid down on the floor. She looked at me and mouthed 'It's Molly'.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Is everything okay?... Because of Eli?... Yeah...I talked to Eli, she's here now... Yeah... Okay."

I only got half of the conversation because I couldn't hear what Molly was saying. When she hung up she just looked at me.

"What?" I asked

"Thea's at Molly's." She said

"And?" I was trying to sound uninterested.

"She's having a breakdown."

"Okay?"

"That means she likes you stupid." Hearing her say that made me happy for a split second but it was replaced with sorrow.

"Doesn't matter. She can't have me." I laid on the ground and stared at the ceiling. I should have known this was going to happen. I did this to myself. I knew better but I still let her get to me. I started to care about her. It's my own damn fault. Lucy just stared at me.

"It's going to be okay Eli. I promise." I just nodded and said

"I hope you're right." I really hoped she was.