Trapped in the Shadows

Chapter 43 - Revivification

"Has he left her side at all?" I heard a whispered voice ask, confusing me in my dark haze.

My entire body hurt and for some reason all I could taste was a flavor reminiscent to burnt toast. I couldn't understand what was happening, I couldn't remember anything after meeting Lascombe in the halls of the basement. However it was clear that I was no longer there, although that left me wondering if Hydra had captured me.

"No, he blames himself and now he feels that he must maintain a vigil at her side, despite knowing that she is gone," another voice replied, this one belonging to a male and sounding oddly familiar.

Memories began flooding back, my trigger words reverberating in my head. The painful struggle returned to me, my desire to keep from turning into a monster. It built until I could no longer bear the pain and a scream left my throat as I forced myself awake.

"(Y-Y/N)?" I heard a voice from my side gasp in disbelief.

I winced at the bright lights filling the room and was overcome by a wave of nausea. My body wavering slightly at the sudden change of condition, I threw up over the side of the bed I was on.

"Those are some nasty side effects," I muttered as I tried to adjust to my surroundings.

"(Y/N), you-you're alive! This isn't possible!" A man cried out, rushing towards me as I felt my hand being grasped by another.

"Dad? Where am I?" I inquired, finally realizing that that was who had spoken. I looked to my left and saw Peter sitting there, tears of relief in his eyes. Pepper was also in the room, standing by where Tony had been, near the door.

"We brought you back to the compound after Peter found you dead on the mission. How is this possible? F.R.I.D.A.Y. couldn't detect a pulse," he explained, looking as though he almost believed that is was all a dream.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to worry anyone," I apologized, realizing in hindsight that I probably should have informed at least one person on the team what I had been working on. "I wasn't actually dead, I had (A/I) inject me with some drugs that would only make it appear that I was. I should have told someone, but I knew that if you found out what I was experimenting with, you would have forbidden me from my project, especially when I put it in my suit without it being perfected."

"(Y/N), what are you talking about?" Peter asked, looking just as confused as Tony was.

"I knew that I was a liability. Whatever Hydra put in me to make me do their bidding, it is still in there and I was afraid that someone was going to exploit that. So I've been working on a serum to help me fake the appearance of death to be injected with should someone try to lure out the monster Hydra put inside of me. I ended up with a mix of hyoscyamine, atropine, scopolamine, and phenobarbital. The atropine and scopolamine in theory would dilate my pupils and mimic the fixed gaze of a dead person. Phenobarbital slowed and shallowed my breathing as well as made my heartbeat virtually undetectable in such a large dose. The hyoscyamine didn't really contribute much but helped balance out the effects of the other three drugs so I would not actually die as well as slowing bodily functions that would no longer be in use if I were actually dead. I only meant to make myself appear dead to Hydra so that they would hopefully give up on me and accept that I had died. I-I never meant it to hurt any of you."

"But why didn't (A/I) tell us about what you had done? Why did they shut themselves down?" Peter asked in confusion.

"I was afraid that Hydra would find a way to hack him/her and I didn't want them to find out what I had done. I couldn't risk Hydra discovering that I wasn't actually dead, I couldn't risk returning to that life of a mindless assassin."

Suddenly Peter lost it and yelled, "do you have any idea what seeing you dead did to me?! I-I-I was heartbroken! I blamed myself for everything and that only made the pain even worse! It was like you had ripped from my heart from chest, tore it to shreds, and then placed it back in the empty cavity expecting it to continue working properly! Wh-Why would you do this to me?"

Peter's voice broke at the end and I felt my heart shatter seeing him so broken. I took his hand hesitantly, unsure if he would recoil at my touch. However when he didn't even flinch, I enveloped him in an embrace, allowing him to cry into my shoulder. I felt my own tears well up, knowing that I had caused him so much pain and suddenly wished that there was a way that I could remedy this and go back in time to save him the torture.

"I am so sorry, Pete, I wasn't thinking," I whispered, knowing that I did not deserve his forgiveness. "When I planned this, I thought only of Hydra, I never thought of you, or dad, or any of the team. God, I have been so self-centered. I can only imagine what it was like for you to believe that I was dead, I am so sorry, Pete."

He sniffled and pressed his lips against my neck, "just don't ever, ever do something like that to me again. Do you understand?"

I cupped his face in my hands as he pulled away, "I promise."

He scoffed lightly as he placed his hands atop mine and brought them down to my lap, "look at what you've done to me. Who's the hot mess now?"

A smile tugged at my lips, "jury's out, but I still think it's me. I mean, I did just fake my own death so that Nazis couldn't turn me into their personal autonomous assassin, which need I remind you they can do with ten simple words."

Peter closed the distance between our lips and I suddenly stopped caring that we were not alone in the room. However when Tony cleared his throat, Peter pulled away with a blush and averted his gaze to the floor.

"So you apologize for hurting your boyfriend but I suddenly don't matter to you anymore?" He joked, sitting down at the foot of my bed.

I rolled my eyes, "that apology was meant for everyone. I'm so sorry that I let you believe I was dead, I guess I didn't really fully think through the consequences of my actions."

He smiled, "you're safe and for now that's all that matters. Although I must admit, you almost gave your old man a heart attack when Peter told us that you had died."

"Peter, I did forget to ask you but where were you when you were escaping the base? I thought you were right behind me so I looked back and found you gone."

"Oh, my spider sense was acting up and so I doubled back and found that Lascombe has released the Hydra four."

My eyes widened, "they're mission ready? Then we must go stop them!"

"(Y/N), relax. You are certainly in no condition to just jump right up and throw yourself into another battle. Besides, we have no idea where they are and, based on Peter's reports, it is likely that they died when we blew up the base," Tony assured me, making sure that I didn't get up suddenly.

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(A/N): Yay, you're not dead! Also, first person to name the movie soundtrack from which the title derives from wins! (I've named a few chapters after marvel soundtrack titles and will continue to do so because I am unhealthily obsessed - especially with the Far From Home and Dark World soundtracks). Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed this chapter!